Thoughts and Ramblings of an Aspring Writer

.the.end.

2009-11-11T21:46:00.000-08:00

She’s not coming back, he said.
No, she’s not. I don’t think she was ever there to begin with. She built her castle and she hid behind it, where no one could reach her. So when she woke up, she cried. She didn’t want to wake up.
I don’t blame her.

I should start living.

No, I thought. You don’t want that. It’s overrated. I live every single day and I have yet to find one that was worth it.

Get busy living or get busy dying, I guess.

Either way, you’re busy.

What happens, then, when your biggest regret for the day was stepping away from a car that was about to run you over? You’ve stopped living, but your attempts to die have failed.

At least you’re busy.

What’s wrong? he asked.

Nothing, I thought. Nothing’s wrong. I’m fine.

What was it?

A word. A cut. Another word. Another cut.

When will you leave and where will you go?

Tomorrow. I don’t know where I’m going, but it’s going. I doubt anyone will miss me, but I give you what’s left of my love and leave you here. Because morning is when the day ends. And maybe I’ll find what I’m looking for when it does.

Blind Hatred

2009-10-25T21:34:00.001-07:00

He knew what she was doing.

Her best friend was no longer talking to her. Her (now ex) best friend caught her sleeping with her boyfriend one night—the ultimate betrayal any girl could ever commit against another. She planted seeds of lies and deceit between her brother and his girlfriend so they would break up. And they did, but now her brother no longer acknowledged her existence. And she called her mother so many names that now, she couldn't look at her daughter without crying.

And now, she was trying to tear him down. She was trying to air out all of his dirty secrets in front of his friends. She had one too many Long Island Iced Teas and now she was regaling them all with tales of the women he had betrayed. She recounted, with particular relish, the time he impregnated his high school sweetheart and broke up with her the minute he found out.

So that didn't exactly put him in the best light. But he was sixteen, after all. He panicked. He didn't know what to do, so he did the only thing he knew how to do in that situation. He ran.

But he wasn't running this time, especially since he knew what she was doing.

He watched from a distance as her fingers trembled over the straw of her drink, laughing mirthlessly, not noticing the awkward glances his friends exchanged. And despite her inebriated state of mind, she told her dirty stories with a certain grace and aplomb that only she was capable of. She was a storyteller. She always had been, she always would be.

But he knew what she was planning, and he wasn't going to let her get away with it.

Because he had known her since she could walk. He knew how she thought. He knew what made her tick. He had been there with her through thick and thin. And he knew.

He saw the scars a few weeks ago. And he noticed the dead look in her eyes soon after. That was around the same time she started breaking all the relationships that held her together.

She was working so hard to get everyone to hate her as much as she hated herself. She wanted everyone to rebuke her and ignore her so they wouldn't notice, so they would be too preoccupied with their anger and hatred for her to see what she was doing to herself. She wanted them to stop caring about her so that when she killed herself, they wouldn't miss her.

He saw it all, though no one else could. And he knew that she was counting on him to run, like he had so many times before. But he wasn't going to this time.

So when all his friends finally left, he grabbed her by the arm and dragged her back to his apartment. And there, he hugged her. He hugged her so hard, like he was trying to crush her. She struggled at first—she pushed and kicked and flailed her tiny fists, but he was too strong for her.

Finally, she gave up. And when she did, she clung to him and wept.

***

Ciao.

Green Eye

2009-10-24T09:13:00.000-07:00

He was ninety-percent certain that he was going to hate living in that neighborhood.

For one, the house was too big. Most people liked big houses, but not him. Big meant conspicuous--overbearing. He didn't have enough furniture to fill his vast bedroom and he was loath to get more because he felt it would be superfluous and unnecessary. And what was worse, every other house in the neighborhood was the same size.

For another, the neighbors kept to themselves. He and his family had been moving in for two days and not a single person had come over to introduce himself or herself with a poorly made casserole or pie. Now, granted, he didn't think the casserole was absolutely necessary, but it was considered good manners by pretty much every suburban neighborhood in America to introduce yourself to the newcomers. But apparently this neighborhood was the lone outlier.

His mother tried to excuse this behavior--claimed that they were busy and would eventually come over to introduce themselves when they were sure that everything was settled in. And as for the casserole thing--no one likes casseroles anyway.

Personally, he didn't buy it. And he blamed his neighbors' bad manners on their gargantuan houses. They were too preoccupied with their tiny lives in their huge houses to acknowledge any newcomer. How self-centered.

Then one day, as he was walking aimlessly around his gigantic backyard, he heard the sound of creaking from the house on the opposite side of the street. He looked up and felt his jaw practically fall to the ground and what he saw.

In the backyard of the house behind his, he saw a girl with dull red hair scaling the trellis leaning against the side of the monstrous house. The girl was lithe and graceful, and obviously skilled at climbing trellises--like she had done it a million times before.

But what was she doing? Did she live there? If so, why was she climbing up the trellis? Was she sneaking in to see her boyfriend (or girlfriend)? Was she a burglar? Was she going through the neighborhood to steal valuables from the host of conspicuous houses?

So great was his curiosity that he couldn't stop himself from shouting, "Hey! What are you doing?"

The girl heard his shout and turned her head. And even from his poor vantage point and far distance, he could make out a pale face and the sharpest green eyes he had ever seen. And those green eyes had some kind of intense piercing power or something, because the minute they fixed on him, he froze. He stood stock still for what seemed like an eternity as her razor eyes stayed focused on him. Then, after that prolonged moment, she turned away from him and continued climbing. When she reached the top, she swung her leg onto the roof and clambered through the nearest unlocked window.

He stood there for several shocked moments. He was trying to recover from what he had just witnessed--and also from the girls cutting gaze. Even though he was no longer within her sight, he was still trying to reorient himself from the havoc her emerald irises wreaked within him.

And truthfully, he was a little confused, as anyone who had been in the same position would have been, he was cure. Maybe she lived there--at the very least, she knew someone who lived there. But who was she? Was she a neighbor, or was she an intruder? One thing was for sure: she was interesting.

He was still ninety percent certain he was going to hate living in that neighborhood. But there was still that remaining ten percent that gave him hope.

***

Ciao.

iPod Mentalist Challenge

2009-10-17T22:02:00.000-07:00

"Gasoline" — Audioslave

All Patrick wanted to do was get as far away from Sacramento as he could. He just wanted to hop in his car and drive until he ran out of gas in the middle of the desert. It might not have been environmentally safe, but it was the only thing he could think to do.

This intense need for escape was the first he felt since his wife's murder. But back then, he wanted to leave to escape everything that reminded him of what he did and what he lost. Back then, he wanted to fall away from the face of the earth. This time, he wanted to escape the way a new woman was looking at him. He wanted to run away from her disappointed expression.

He knew he failed her, and he would have rather died alone in the middle of the California desert than to see her face.

He was sorry. So sorry. But in the end, that's all he ever was: sorry.

"Lonestar" — Norah Jones

It had been six months since Patrick Jane had murdered Red John. Six long months since he ran away.

She did not miss him, she kept reminding herself. He was a damn nuisance and he was sloppy and cold and insensitive. And in the end, he was a disappointment.

She had been so sure that he would have grown to realize that hating Red John would ruin what was left of his broken life. She was so sure that he would regain just the tiniest bit of compassion. But he hadn't, and now she had to live with six months of bitter disappointment.

But despite the fact that she didn't miss him (She didn't!), she couldn't help but wonder what he was doing at any given moment. Every night, she would stand out on the balcony of her apartment and stare out at the few stars she could see and wonder: was he okay? Was he alive? Was he finally at ease now that he got what he wanted? But then she would sigh in resignation and go back inside

Really, she should be used to this by now; every man in her life ended up letting her down. Patrick Jane was no exception.

"Damn Girl" — All-American Rejects

This was one of the days that she understood why he ran away.

Don't get her wrong — she was still pissed off. She was still bitterly angry that he escaped without so much as a goodbye. But today she could understand why he did. After all, he said the whole time that he was only consulting for the CBI until he caught and killed Red John. And he'd accomplished his objective. So there wasn't a reason for him to stay.

She understood — but it didn't mean she liked it.

Because it wasn't seven months after his disappearance until she realized that she had been in love with him the whole time. She used to hope and pray that, given enough time, she would become all he needed. She thought so fervently that one day, there would be enough room in his broken heart for her and the memory of his deceased wife.

But now, it was too late. He was gone, and she was left to pick up the pieces, as usual.

And as always, she understood.

"A Postcard to Henry Purcell" — Jean-Yves Thibaudet

He was in England.

Almost a year after Jane's disappearance, he sent Lisbon a postcard from the English countryside. And all it said was, "I'm sorry."

Sorry? Sorry? That's all he had to say after the whole fiasco? Sorry? Lisbon was so upset by the postcard that she ripped it into fourths and threw them into her trash can.

But the next day, she peered into the wastebasket and sighed. Any news from Jane was good news, right? At least she knew he was alive. So she fished the pieces of the postcard out of the trash can and taped them back together. Then she pinned it to the wall behind her desk.

Of course Jane was sorry. What he had done was almost inexcusable. But it was time that she forgave him. And it was time for her to stop feeling sorry too.

"The Boys of Summer" — The Ataris

It had been almost two years since Patrick Jane had left the United States. Well, now he was back and he was ready to rebuild the bridges he had burned so long ago. Starting with Lisbon.

But when he got to her apartment — armed with a bouquet of red roses to symbolize his apology — he realized that she no longer lived there. In fact, she hadn't lived there for a long time.

His first immediate thought was panic. Nothing had happened to her, right? She was still alive — she had to be. She was one of the toughest people he knew.

His mind started running a million miles a minute, concocting thousands of scenarios that might explain why she wasn't at that apartment anymore. Obviously she moved, but why? Lisbon was a very steady person and she hated change unless it was absolutely necessary. She would have moved only for very big life events: if she got another job in another area, for example. So he immediately started searching for a Teresa Lisbon still residing in California.

Of course, there was always one option that he didn't want to consider: the fact that she might have moved in with a significant other. The mere thought of Lisbon with another man made him sick.

But all he could really conclude at this point was that she was gone, and he might have been too late.

"Time Goes On" — L'arc~en~ciel

She couldn't believe it. Two years after he left, he expected everything to be as it was. He just waltzed into the CBI headquarters and grinned that same cocky grin as he always did and greeted her as if nothing had changed.

Of all the damn nerve! He even hugged her!

This wasn't good — not at all. The minute he walked into the bullpen, all the memories and all the feelings she fought for two years to repress came rushing back in an overwhelming deluge. It came back effortlessly, almost like breathing.

Why? Why couldn't he stay in the past?

Roger had been watching her more closely than usual and really, she couldn't blame him. The way Jane hovered over her would have made anyone wonder. Hell, it made her wonder. But she shouldn't be wondering, especially now that she was engaged to someone who wouldn't leave her when the going got tough. Roger was dependable. Roger was stable and safe. He was everything Jane wasn't, which was why she chose him in the first place. He was predictable, but most of all, he was safe.

But the minute Jane was back in her life, she found herself questioning the security she worked so long to build.

Two years. Two damn years and it didn't feel like time had gone on. In so many ways, in fact, time stood still.

"Walls Fall Down" — Bedouin Soundclash

It was no secret that Lisbon was one of the most guarded people on the team. Perhaps even more guarded than the former CBI consultant. The walls she had built rivaled the friggin' Great Wall of China.

There had been many a person who attempted to tear these walls down; Roger Wells, her fiance, was the most recent to try. And for a while, she had him believing that he had successfully demolished them. but when Patrick Jane came back into the picture, he realized how little progress he had made in the year they had been together.

Because the minute Jane hugged her, Lisbon shut down. Her face became blank and she refused to even look at Roger for the rest of the day. And every time he tried to talk to her, she would slip out of the room before he got the chance.

And Roger Wells was a very observant man — not nearly on the level of Patrick Jane, but he could certainly hold his own in an investigation. And just by observing the way Lisbon acted around Jane and vice versa, he could tell that there was soemthing there, or at the very least, there had been something there.

And Roger never considered himself a jealous man until he realized that his gorgeous, but severely guarded fiancee had let her walls fall down for another man long beore Roger was ever in the picture.

"In My Life" — The Rasmus

If there was one thing that Teresa Lisbon was proud of in her life, it was her ability to make clear, controlled decisions without outside influence. It was one of her many strengths as a leader.

But ever since Jane left, the decisions she had once so confidently made were no more. For two whole years, she could feel Jane's presence hovering over her shoulder, affecting every decision she made. Sometimes she would do something she was sure Jane would approve of. Sometimes she would deliberately do things that wold piss him off. But most of the time, she would try to do whatever she could to forget about him. Which is how she found herself engaged to Roger Wells.

Not to be misunderstood, she loved him in her own way. She was sure of it. But as much as she tried to give herself to him, she couldn't give him all of her, because Jane still held a substantial part.

And as much as she hated it, she found that he was affecting her decisions more and more now that he was back. She found herself eating foods he had suggested from before, or buying things in colors he liked.

Gah, she had to stop this! She was engaged to another man whom she loved and would provide her with the stability she craved all her life. She couldn't let a man, who had a habit of disappearing, keep controlling her like this.

This was her life, and these were her decisions, not Jane's. She was the master of her own fate, decider of her own destiny.

Now if only she could make herself believe that.

"Let's Go Get Stoned" — Ray Charles

Ray Charles blared through the speakers of the old jukebox as Jane downed his third glass of scotch. Tonight in particular was a Ray Charles kind of night.

He couldn't get that image of her with him — he refused to call him by his name — out of his head. His hands were all over her all the time: on her waist, around her shoulder, cupping her face...he felt slightly vindicated when she shyly pulled away (which was most of the time) but it still made him crazy to see.

Why was she marrying this guy anyway? What was so great about him? He looked like a total square: perfectly parted brown hair, plain brown eyes and a bland suit with an even blander tie to match. Lisbon had to go for the most boring guy on the planet.

Jane no longer claimed to be a psychic, but he could tell that the marriage would be headed straight to the divorce courts. Lisbon was too steady and she found a man too much like herself. She needed someone who would keep her on her toes. She needed someone who could excite her. She needed someone like Jane.

He knew that he would have been perfect for Lisbon and he suspected that she knew it, too. He could see her eyes flicker his way whenever he thought he wasn't looking, but he was always watching her. After two years, he couldn't bear to take his eyes off her.

When did she say the wedding was? Two weeks? So soon...

"Bartender," he called. "Can I get another?"

The bartender raised a quizzical eyebrow. "Are you sure?"

Nope. But as Ray Charles said, let's go get stoned.

"Don't Let Me Down" — The Beetles

"Teresa?"

Patrick Jane didn't get shocked very often, but this was definitely a shocking moment. Because Teresa Lisbon was standing in front of him in the most beautiful wedding dress ever created. She was wearing the lightest hint of makeup that made her green eyes pop and her dark hair was pinned in a complicated style that must have taken hours to get right. And she was wearing a veil that had slipped a little, but still remained attached to her head. And what was even more puzzling — she was panting. Like she had just run a marathon.

"What are you doing here?" he demanded. Aren't you supposed to be getting married?"

"You weren't there," she accused. "Why weren't you there?"

Jane looked away guiltily. Should he lie or tell her the truth?

"Jane?" she prompted. "Why weren't you there?"

"You know, I could ask you the same question. This is supposed to be the most important day of your life. You're supposed to be getting married, not chasing after a man who isn't your fiance in bars."

"I know," she said. "But I wanted you there."

"Why?" he asked.

"So you could talk me out of it."

Jane looked up, hardly daring to believe what he was hearing. "You mean...?"

For the first time since he came back to the United States, he saw her face break into a wide smile. And it was breathtaking.

"He's not you, Patrick." A thrill shot through him when he heard her use his first name. "I've wanted you since the beginning. I just didn't want to admit it until now."

And in an instant, Jane at her side with his arms wrapped her tiny frame. Then he twirled her around, heavy dress and all.

"Teresa, do you have any idea how long I've been waiting to hear those words from you?" He felt as though his face would break in half, he was smiling so hard.

"I have a feeling," she replied dryly. In an instant, she had her lips on his and he hungrily kissed her back. They were both too absorbed in the kiss to acknowledge the cheers echoing in the small bar.

"Just don't let me down," Lisbon whispered when she pulled away.

He shook his head emphatically. "Never."

Ciao.

I started this and I want to keep it somehow

2009-08-12T23:45:00.000-07:00

I became the master of the poker face when I was six years old.

My father liked to scream a lot when he felt that I was being argumentative and—according to him—I spent most of my childhood in violent opposition to whatever he wanted. He also labored under the misapprehension that I didn’t understand him and he knew exactly what I thought when I thought it. And in addition to all of this, he was never wrong. So when he started screaming about how I was lazy and ungrateful, I couldn’t answer. I couldn’t say anything, lest I make it worse. And any facial expression that betrayed my anger and intense misery only got me severely beaten. So instead of saying anything or doing anything or even looking like anything, I didn’t. I trained myself to hold a blank mask. It was a defense mechanism I learned early in life.

Emotions were dangerous things in my childhood. Father’s anger was explosive and unpredictable. My mother’s anger was emotionally scarring. And my anger simmered on the surface, invisible to everyone around me, but always there. I spent most of my days mad at everything and everyone, including myself, but my poker face was so good that no one ever knew.

Reading people’s body language was also something I learned early in my childhood. It was necessary to gauge my father’s fits of rage, or my mother’s coldness. I could always tell when something was going on or when something was about to happen because I could read it on their faces or in their voices and then I could brace myself or manage to escape it altogether.

My brother didn’t fare quite as well. He never really developed his defense skills past the poker face and his was still inferior to mine. Father always knew that Freddy hated him and later at night when I was tending Freddy's wounds, we could hear Dad rant and rave about how disrespectful Freddy was.

***

I wrote this a couple of hours ago. It was actually longer than this excerpt here, but I wanted to erase the document so I can start something else. But I really liked the first paragraphs, so I'm going to keep it here until I can decide what to do with it.

Ciao!

Just something to keep the skillz sharp

2009-07-16T22:55:00.001-07:00

I never realized how much effort it took to breathe. Everyday, every moment I have to constantly remind myself to inhale and exhale. It seems as if I don't concentrate properly, I'll forget and suffocate underneath the weight of it all.

And I never knew how much oxygen can hurt. Every time I force the stuff into my lungs, it burns my chest, like I'm pouring rubbing alcohol straight over my heart. Exhaling is even worse, because the air comes back out and I feel empty all over again. And it never gets any easier.

Didn't Mrs. Sheedy once say in biology that parts of our brains kept tabs on functions like that? Our brains remind our bodies to blink and breathe every so often, to keep us alive. It seems as if that part of my brain has died away, just like the rest of me.

Maybe my brain has simply turned traitor.

I find that I can't sleep anymore either. I always used to think sleep was troublesome and a waste of time, but a necessary inconvenience. Now I keep running from my drooping eyelids, terrified that if I let go for one moment, I will forget to breathe. And even more terrified of what lies in store for me. My mutinous mind won't seem to leave me alone, no matter what I do to avoid this. It's always there, in the shadows, not quite acknowledged but not completely forgotten either.

But I suppose Dr. Caine wants to know something about my first day at a new school. So here goes.

George Clarence High School isn't much different from your typical American high schools. I didn't find anything special about it, anyway. I don't know if I really expected anything, but if I did, GCHS didn't surprise me at all.

I met a girl in my homeroom class. She's nice. She walked me to my classes, sat with me at lunch and offered her notes if I ever needed them. But there's something about her that makes me uneasy. She's just so...eager. Everywhere she went today, I noticed people going up to her and asking her for help and she would willingly do so, no matter what it was. And even when it was obvious that they were using her, she didn't mind.

She must be stupid or she must be a saint. I'm going to go with the former.

* * *

The above was for a story I'm working on. I hope you enjoyed it. :)

Ciao.

Ultimatum

2009-04-10T07:54:00.000-07:00

This was an old Twitter status by Michael Ian Black that made me laugh out loud in the library.

"@FrankZappa174 'is it ok to take black the night if i already seized the day?' Yes, if you rage against the dying of the light."

I enjoyed the numerous references immensely. XD

So anyways...

I know that I haven't updated Shadows of Hope in forever. Hell, I haven't even written in forever. But there's are good and specific reasons for this. One, there's school. And school must always, always, always come first no matter how much I hate it and don't want it to come first. Right now I am struggling to stay afloat and let me tell you...it's not fun.

College is breaking my spirit.

Second, I already know what the ending will be.

Reader: ...wtf? If you already know what the ending is going to be, why don't you flipping write it already?!

Me: Well, if I wrote it and posted it, that would mean that the story is over. In Shadows of Hope there's only one chapter and epilogue left. I don't want the story to be over. Kind of like how I don't want ER to be over. This hesitation is probably because I really, really, really do not want to write a sequel and all of you will probably beg me to do so. You'll see why when I get around to it.

Anyways, those are my reasons, but I've decided. To hell with rationality! To hell with school and my career! I love my readers more than that. I should just write it anyway. I could probably knock it down in a weekend or less. And then you guys wouldn't hate me so much. (Or maybe you would for making you wait so long.)

I promise, promise, promise to have it finished by April 25th. That gives you enough time to get the anger over with by finals week.

Love you all! *muah*

Ciao.

Vampire Knight short, Symphony

2008-12-20T13:03:00.000-08:00

So I managed to finish all the manga for VK last night (well, as far as is updated) and I fell in love with it. It's seriously awesome; if you haven't read it yet, then you need to because it's amazing. You can find scans on One Manga for free. :)

Anyway, after I finished reading it, an idea popped into my head (as most ideas often do) and I just wrote it down. I kind of like it, but I haven't really gone through it too strenuously since I finished it because I wrote it at, like, two o'clock in the morning after an eleven hour car ride. Long story short, I was tired, and there are probably loads of mistakes in it.

But despite the manifold flaws that will inevitably pop up again and again from an unedited draft, I'm choosing to post it here because it's probably the only place I'll ever let anyone read it. :P

So here you go. It's called Symphony.

***

What is this gentle sound?

I had never heard anything quite as exquisite as this. The tinkling, the chimes, the way it echoed through the silent room...it was a music that I never possessed the capacity to imagine.

"Kaname-senpai," she wispered as she gripped my jacket in her tiny, powerless fingers. "Please, Kaname-senpai must let me go..."

No. I could not bear that insipid title. She had her memories back. Why couldn't she address em the way she used to, before this darkness consumed our lives? I waited ten long years for her to remember, and now that she could she still continued to cling to the pieces of her now broken life.

"Yuuki, don't you understand?" I murmured into her hair. The long black locks had grown back, the way they had been, the way I had admired. They blew now, gently in the night breeze, wafting the scent toward me. I breathed in deeply, letting her fragrance seep into my muscles. we had become one in nearly every way possible, yet I still wanted more. "If I leave you here now, I will shatter into a million pieces."

The music rang again, but this time with greater urgency.

"Onii-sama."

The chimes stuttered to a stop for a brief moment.

"Onii-sama, they need you," she said. She lifted her face from my chest and looked up at me with those wide, pleading eyes. This creature, this beautiful, loving, gentle, powerless creature was the only being in the entire world that could bend me. She had me so completely wrapped around her finger, and yet she still needlessly wielded her most powerful weapon. "If you don't leave her now, you will never see them again."

The ringing grew stronger, but something throbbed. The tiniest portion of my black heart that didn't belong to her ached for the others, the ones that so blindly thrust their well being into my reckless and cruel hands. They had come to love me, and I, in my own way, had come to love them.

But their deaths would be nothing compared to hers. I knew quite well.

"Yuuki, everyday for the past ten years, I have lived through the pain of losing you." Surely the ache inside of me was evident on my face. It was too much for me to keep inside. "How much longer must I suffer this?"

Tears began to well up in her eyes. The music grew to an almost deafening roar.

"No," she whispered. "Please don't make a face like that." And swiftly, she wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled my face to hers.

Our lips touched for but a tantalizing moment. The contact scorched my skin, warming me from my cold core to my even colder limbs. In this one, brief and cruel second, I had been cured of all my darkness and eternal light carved its way into my existence. But it was hard to distinguish which sensation was strongest: the music or the touch?

She pulled away just long enough to look at me. "It will be okay, onii-sama," she murmured.

Despite the power of the music in my ears, I couldn't tear my focus away from the lips that just touched mine.

"I promise." She lifted her hands and her fingers traced the shape of my lips. The music--so exquisite, so beautiful--softened for a moment. "I promise, I will be in your arms once more."

The final crescendo came as a deafening crash in my ears as she turned away from me and ran, her long, dark locks flying every which way as she went.

It was in the painful, dazed moment that I finally realized the source of the music.

It was the delicate sound of my breaking heart.

***

Ciao.

Super short story

2008-12-02T10:27:00.000-08:00

I had a dream that was just too good to forget. This is called Burning Lips and Fingertips. I might use this again in the future for something...it's kind of up in the air. I just needed to write it down.

***

His lips were all over my face. His hands were wreaking havoc on my hips.

“This isn’t real,” he murmured into my mouth.

“I know,” I breathed.

Our lips came into contact once more and we were desperately trying to reach every inch of each other we could. My hands were on the sides of his neck, my thumbs stroking his jaw. He groaned in the back of his throat, so I pressed my chest into his.

We both knew that this was a dream. We both knew that this intense heat we shared in this limbo did not exist in the waking hours. And this knowledge tore us apart.

“I want this to be real,” I whispered in the brief moments that his lips weren’t ravaging mine. “I want this to be real so badly.”

“I know,” he said in reply.

Our faces moved together in harmony and our skin was blazing with intense fire wherever we touched. We continued our frenzied kisses, stealing each other’s breaths and sharing a single pounding heartbeat.

Eventually, the heat became too much for us to bear, so we parted. He laid his forehead on my shoulder and I bent my head so our ears touched. After our breathing slowed, I pressed my lips against the warm, bare skin covering the cradle of his neck and shoulder. A groan rumbled deep in his chest and reverberated in my own. Our kisses resumed and suddenly became frenzied and frantic, because we knew at any minute, the other would disappear and we would never know when we would see each other again.

It happened too quickly. One moment, he was moving in between my knees with my arms wrapped tightly around his neck and in the next, they were wrapped around nothing at all.

He was gone.

***

Ciao.

The end! tear

2008-11-22T10:36:00.000-08:00

On the Mend is officially finished!

You guys didn't really think I'd let Bella die after all the crap she's been through? No! I promised a happy ending (I think) and I fully intended on following through. :)

I did compile a playlist for this story, if any of you care to listen to it.

"On the Mend" by Foo Fighters
"Hello" by Evanescence
"Boston" by Augustana
"Killing Loneliness" by H.I.M.
"Savior" by 30 Seconds to Mars
"City" by Sara Bareilles
"My Reply" by The Ataris
"Fix You" by Coldplay
"Move Along" by The All-American Rejects
"Dare You to Move" by Switchfoot
"Miracle" by Paramore

Thank you to everyone who read and thank you especially to Idyllic Nocturne for beta-ing throughout the entire thing! You're so super awesome. :)

Ciao.

Last chapter! tear

2008-11-19T20:54:00.000-08:00

Ahh...so many of you are probably really upset with me for that cliff hanger. But you see, it was completely necessary.

I wanted to show the contrast, you know? Bella starts the beginning of this story not wanting to live. She didn't see the point in living because she was drowning in so much pain. But at the end of the story, she's not so much drowning but treading through. She's finally managing to see the point, and that's in large part due to Edward. He's shown her that there's so much more to this life than what she's been giving.

And in the end, Bella's realized the ridiculousness of it all. Now that she's finally found what she was meant to live for, she has to die? No. It's not fair. She doesn't accept that reality. She refuses to accept that reality because she's not ready to die. She's not finished loving Edward, and Edward's far from finished loving her.

It shows just how much progress she's made in such a short time. And now she's ready to be whole.

For those of you who were eagerly waiting for a preview, I'm afraid that there isn't one. It's the epilogue, so you'll just have to wait for the end to come. :)

Ciao!

AH-HA!

2008-11-16T10:43:00.001-08:00

Totally finished the next chapter! I'm actually quite proud of myself because I wasn't sure that I'd finish it before the end of Thanksgiving Break. So the fact that I got it done one full week beforehand impresses me. :)

But I am deeply, deeply sorry for the long wait. As we all know, school is ridiculous, college especially. There were things that were claiming my full attention and as sad as I was, I couldn't devote the time that On the Mend requires.

This chapter is pretty pivotal. Bella finally realizes what everyone else has known for a very long time. She's been ready for this since the beginning. She just had to believe it herself.

But just because she's ready to share what happened, it doesn't mean that the pain of it will go away, by any means. It will still hurt her, more than you could ever imagine. Reliving those moments will destroy every bit of strength that she has gathered. The only difference now is that she knows she can withstand that torture. So please understand that it's still going to be difficult.

Some of you might be frustrated that you still don't know entirely what happened, but rest assured that the full account will happen in the next chapter. I promise.

And speaking of next chapter...preview time!

“Do you have any questions, Bella?”

I was once again in this terrifying setting, waiting for something that would change my life forever. The detectives, Mrs. Andrews, Dr. Levsky, Edward and Rosalie were all standing around me in a tiny room, waiting for the court to reconvene.

“Do you think I’m prepared enough?” I asked Mrs. Andrews quietly.

She squatted down so that I was eye-level with her. “You’re more than prepared. You are more prepared than I could ever make you.”

“You can do this, Bella,” Dr. Lesky murmured reassuringly. “You’ve been ready for a long time.”

“We’ll be right there with you,” Edward added. “All of us will make sure you’re safe.”

“See?” Rosalie said very gently. “I knew that you were strong enough.”

I reached forward and gripped her hand. “You’ll make sure he won’t get to me, right?” While everyone else’s presence was very touching, the Cullens’ presence was the most important to me and only Rosalie could understand what I felt right now.

“I will,” she said reassuringly with a squeeze. “He won’t get to you.”

And as of right now, the next chapter will be the last one with a brief epilogue. But then again, this is if everything goes according to plan and more often than not it doesn't. However, this plan seems pretty final. So just giving you guys a heads up. :)

As always, if you haven't reviewed yet, please go back and do so! Ya'll are awesome and I love you!

Ciao.

Not really an update

2008-10-21T06:45:00.001-07:00

Ha, so it's definitely been longer than two weeks.

I'm so sorry you guys for the hold-up in the updatage, but I just don't have the time to write for On the Mend or anything else that I have in the works. It's really crappy of me, I know, but college is kicking my ass. Let me warn all of you ahead of time: DON'T TAKE EIGHTEEN HOURS IN ONE SEMESTER. YOU WILL DIE.

I'm going home this weekend, so the chances for updating are slightly higher than they usually are. Don't quote me on that, though.

Please be patient! I promise that I will finish On the Mend and Shadows of Hope.

Ciao.

Quick post!

2008-09-09T10:36:00.000-07:00

I'm actually posting during the brief break I have between class and work. I really don't want to go to work because I work in a library. And not the cool, information part of the library. I don't get to sit at the desk and answer people's questions or help them find books. No, I work in Physical Processing. You know what Physical Processing entails? It entails loads of tedium, and two out of my three supervisors are really weird. What is it about people who work full-time in libraries? Is it a requirement for them to be socially awkward or something? One of my supervisors talks to herself and not in the cute, slightly quirky way. She talks to herself in the really creepy, "Thanks for the candy," kind of way.

Anyways...

This chapter is really important to me and it's probably one of the biggest breakthroughs that Bella's gone through. You know that brief flashback that she has during the session where she remembers her mother and her father talking about her independence/misguided compassion? This is very important for two specific reasons.

First, it shows Bella that she's still essentially the same. For the past three months, she's been absolutely terrified that she's no longer the same person, that she's let this dark, angsty creature rule her thoughts and her being. She thinks that Allan had changed her in a very fundamental way and he did. However, she thinks she's been changed for the worst which she now sees is wrong. In the end, she's still herself; she was compassionate before and she's still compassionate. And that will never change, no matter what happens to her.

Second, Bella finally realizes that there are people out there who want to take care of her, despite the pain they might suffer should they decide to help her. Edward and Dr. Levsky are clear examples of this. They want to help her because they don't want her to go through this by herself. After all she's experienced, they want to make that burden a little lighter on her because she deserves at least that.

So her reaction is to cry. She cries because not only is she relieved that she's the same, but she also cries to show both Dr. Levsky and Edward that she's finally letting go of that control. She's letting go of that mask that she's held onto and she's going to show them who she is underneath her carefully cultivated mask of calm.

Well, I am very aware that the people who read this blog generally just read it for the sneak peek. Therefore, I will oblige you now. ^_~

“Bella, Julia Andrews called me this morning. She said that Alan Vickers trial begins next week.”

My heart started pounding furiously. So soon.

“She called me to ask if I think you’re ready to take the stand.”

He didn’t say anything for a loaded moment and I started to fidget. “Well?” I asked when I couldn’t stand my impatience any longer. “Do you?”

“I don’t think it’s really my opinion that matters,” he said. “I think what matters is whether or not you think you’re ready.”

Did I think I was ready? I wasn’t sure. It was one thing to talk about what happened with Dr. Levsky, when I was sitting on his couch and he was gently encouraging me to open up. It was another thing entirely to be sitting in a severe wooden chair, being forced to answer question after question of events that I still tried to block from my memory.

“I don’t know,” I said hesitantly.

“You should think about it,” he said. “But to tell you the truth, Bella, I think you’ve been ready for quite a while. You just need to believe that you are.”

I know that it's shorter than usual, but you see, the next chapter is actually chock-full of good stuff that I don't want to give away too soon. So this is all you guys are going to get right now. I'm sorry.

A few ending stuff: I don't know when I'll be able to update next because the next month is going to be CRAZY hectic with school and other projects. On the Mend, sadly, might have to be put on the back burner for a little while. If it takes me more than two weeks to update, then check back here for more information. Once again, I'm sorry, but blame college.

If you haven't reviewed yet, please go back and do so! I would mucho appreciate it!

Thank you very much for reading my humble fanfiction. There are no words to express my gratitude.

Ciao.

Favorite, favorite, FAVORITE chapter!

2008-08-30T23:21:00.000-07:00

So in case you didn't realize: I really like this chapter.

Why do you ask? Because of the Rosalie/Bella connection. Bella has finally met someone who went through the same thing she was put through. And for the longest time, I've been looking for an excuse in my fanfictions for Rose and Bella to be friends because I think that they should be, and this seemed like the perfect reason. Tailor-made, in fact.

Truthfully, though, while this chapter is my favorite so far, it was still the most difficult one I've had to write. When it got to the part where Rosalie was describing what happened to her, I literally did not want to write it. I would minimize the page and hold it off as long as I could. I knew what I was going to write, though; the sentences would form in my head before I could stop them. But I just didn't want to actually write it. Because when I write, I personally live through my characters' pain. And as the words were forming in my head, Rosalie's pain was ripping my heart to shreds. Tears were welling up in my eyes and I couldn't bring myself to put my fingers on the keys and write. I didn't want to. I wanted her to stop, but Rosalie herself was relentless. She wanted to tell Bella her story, and I was anxious for Bella to know as well. I just didn't want to be the medium.

For me, the chapter is meaningful in many ways. Bella's finally met someone that's been through it as well and it shows that she doesn't have to do it alone. Bella sees Rosalie as an iron pillar of strength, the kind of person that she aspires to be. She looks at Rose and she sees the person she could be if she ever recovered from this tragedy. Rosalie is her new role model.

In addition, she feels as if she owes it to Rosalie as well to get over this. She owes it to every single women who's ever been raped to recover and see this man go to jail. And she owes it to every woman who's ever felt any pain.

Anyway, next chapter is a pretty good one too. There's one part that I'm especially excited for, but I'll give you a little teaser to look forward to.

I jumped out of my trance and turned around. Alice was swathed in a pale pink, spaghetti strap dress that sparkled in the light. On anyone else, it would have looked plain, but on Alice, it looked spectacular. Her normally spiky black hair was smoothed carefully around her head and her inhumanly lovely face with its delicate features completed the picture of a petite fairy. However, her expression was currently twisted into one of impatience.

“We’re going to be late if the two of you don’t get moving,” she pointed out tersely. Moments later, Jasper appeared behind her dressed similarly to Edward, but with black pants and a light, rose colored shirt, the exact same shade of Alice’s dress. His tie was black with pink, diagonal stripes.

Emmett walked in from the direction of the living room. His huge, muscled frame was covered in black from head to toe; the only reprieve from the darkness of his ensemble was the slender white tie hanging from around his collar. The moment the huge Cullen brother spotted Jasper, he started snickering.

“Wow, Jazz. Next you’re going to be asking for a unicorn for Christmas.”

Jasper shot his brother a deadly look. “Haven’t you heard, Emmett? Real men wear pink.”

I wanted to point out the obvious: that he technically wasn’t a real man. However, the glare he was sending Emmett wasn’t something I wanted to experience, so I kept my mouth shut.

Hee hee. ^_^

Anyways, I really want to know what you guys think about this chapter, so please leave me a review! Much, greatly appreciated.

Ciao.

So we finally hit the fluff

2008-08-23T09:46:00.000-07:00

There have been a lot of questions repeating themselves in the reviews, so I'll take the time to answer them here.

1. Why doesn't Bella just tell Edward what happened already?
This is probably the most frequently asked question. There are a lot of reasons why she doesn't tell Edward. One, she has developed such a sense of self-loathing that she thinks that everyone hates her as well, and what's more, she deserves it. Of course, it's an irrational fear, because as we all know, there is nothing in this world that could make Edward hate Bella. But all that self-hatred isn't going to go away overnight so it's going to take a little while for it to dissolve.

Two, she's in denial. It's been three months since the event in question, but she still thinks that if she doesn't remember it, if she continues to deny the event, then it won't be real. She's trying so hard to forget about it so she can act like it never happened. If she admits to it now, then it will be real. She won't be able to forget it once she finally divulges her secret.

Three, she doesn't want anyone to suffer with her. In her mind, this kind secret is too big for her tiny shoulders, but asking for help is absolutely out of the question. This kind of secret will invariably hurt anyone to whom it is divulged, and Bella is loath to hurt anyone. Actually, this little detail is pretty important, so remember it for later. ;)

2. Does Edward know what happened to Bella, even if she didn't tell him?
Edward has his suspicions. Bella told him herself that Alan didn't try to kill her. So why is she so damaged, so absolutely terrified? Carlisle told him about the hospital bed fiasco and he watches Bella at night and knows that she doesn't go anywhere near the bed. And he also sees that she goes out of her way to avoid touching people, especially males. Edward isn't stupid; he can put the pieces together. But he's waiting for her to tell him. Part of it is because that's the gentleman's way, but a much bigger part of it is because he doesn't want to believe that something so horrible could happen to such an innocent person. Like Bella, he's in denial. As far as he's concerned, until she admits it, it's not real.

3. Why isn't Bella curious about vampires? Why isn't she asking any questions?
The easy answer is that she's really self-absorbed. She's been too preoccupied with everything going on in her broken life that she doesn't much care about vampires.

But the much more in-depth explanation is that she can tell Edward is self-conscious about who he is. He's always afraid that she's going to turn her back on him because of who he is and she knows this. And of course, Bella has secrets of her own and she knows what it's like to be constantly questioned about them. So she's waiting patiently for Edward to tell her details about his life of his own volition because that's how she'd like to be treated.

Phew. I hoped that made sense to you guys.

This chapter will probably be everyone's favorite, and I don't really blame them. It's a good chapter (if I do say myself) and a lot of cutesy, Bella/Edward stuff goes on. I've deprived my readers of romance for so long that this undoubtedly serves as a long awaited reprieve from the massive amounts of angst.

However, while all of you might adore this chapter, I have to say that next chapter is the one that I'm really looking forward to. It was probably the hardest I've had to write so far, but it's still one of my favorites.

So I'll give you guys a wonderful little teaser because I love you all so much.

“Come on!” Alice shouted excitedly when she spotted a store across the street flaunting fashionably-clad mannequins in the window. “We’ll start there!”

Rosalie and I followed at a much slower pace. “Should I be scared?” I whispered to her out of the corner of my mouth. It was useless to whisper with Alice around because I knew she’d be able to hear it anyway, but it didn’t stop me from trying.

The blonde Cullen sister nodded. “Yes.”

Scared was a little bit of an understatement; shopping with Alice Cullen was like shopping with a tornado. The moment we crossed the threshold of the store, she tore through racks with the most conspicuous clothing and tossed the hangers into my bewildered arms, not bothering to ask me my size. After picking at least sixteen different dresses, she pushed me to the back and into the nearest dressing room.

The second the door closed, I sighed and pulled the first dress off the hanger. It was pretty, I suppose, but much too fashion forward for a high school dance, much less a Forks High School dance. I turned the tag over and felt my eyeballs bulge out of their sockets at the price.

“Bella?” called Alice impatiently through the dressing room door. “What’s taking so long?”

“Alice, this dress costs five hundred dollars!”

“So?”

“I can’t try this on!”

“Yes you can,” she insisted. “I probably won’t even buy any of the stuff you have with you right now.”

I tried to glare at her through the thin wood. “Then why are you making me try them on?” I demanded.

Her muffled sigh permeated the door, like an exhausted teacher trying to explain a simple concept to an even simpler student. “I’m trying to find your aesthetic.”

“What?”

“Quit stalling!” she cried. “Try them on before I go in there and force them over your head!”

There was absolutely no doubt in my mind that she would, so I hastily threw the dress on.

This isn't the reason I love the chapter so much, but I hope it's enough to keep you interested.

If you haven't reviewed, please go back and do so! Reviews are my lifeline. They feed me. They clothe me. They pay for my college expenses.

Not really, but you get the point.

Ciao.

Summer's ending...tear

2008-08-18T15:08:00.000-07:00

I'm starting school again soon, which means that I'm not going to be as free to write as much as I'd like. I've got the next couple of chapters for On the Mend already written, but I can't really guarantee that the chapters after that will come very quickly.

As for this chapter, I had to take a break from the angst. You see, I like to think that I'm a well-rounded writer, but I usually specialize in humor and drama. It's how I got my start in fanfiction. I'm not used to writing all this pain, not by a longshot, but in order to grow as a writer, I need to push my boundaries.

Right now, though, Bella needs a little lightheartedness, and I think that you guys as readers need some too. As for the spring dance, I didn't know that Edward was going to trick Bella into going until Jessica asked him. He thinks that it would be a good idea for Bella to get out of her house. She needs to stop spending her weekends drowning in pain and he also thinks that Bella doesn't spend enough time doing regular teenage, human things.

But what I think is most interesting (and what people should really notice) is that Rosalie isn't so opposed to Bella in this chapter. You guys should probably start thinking about why. It's a pretty important detail and I'm sure you guys will get it easily.

As promised, I have a sneek peak of next chapter. Consider this an apology for such a terrible cliff hanger.

I entered the house and called out loudly, “Charlie! I’m back!”

He stuck his balding head from the entrance to the living room. “Hey, Bella. How was school?”

I shrugged after I closed the door behind me. “It was okay. Are the detectives here?”

The moment I asked that question, Detectives Anderson and Manning walked into the hallway, closely followed by Mrs. Andrews and Dr. Levsky. “Hey, Bella,” greeted Detective Manning with a soft smile.

I tried to smile back. “Hi.”

“We were just going to have Charlie take us on a tour of the town,” Detective Anderson informed me. “He’s also helping us in the investigation of last week’s accident. We’re trying to figure out if it was anyone in town.”

“In fact, we should get going right now,” Charlie said in a not-so-subtle attempt to get out of the house. I had a hunch that being in close proximity of the shrink and the lawyer was not exactly comforting to him.

“Oh.” I nodded.

The detectives and Charlie walked toward me and I moved out of their way to grant them easier access to the front door. “If you need anything, Bella, don’t hesitate to call us.”

“I will.” And with reassuring smiles from all three of them, they walked out the door, leaving me in the lion’s den.

I took a deep breath and tried to comfort myself in the fact that Edward was above me, listening intently and ready if I needed him.

With heavy feet, I made my way into the living room where Mrs. Andrews and Dr. Levsky waited for me. They both grinned at me, gentle and soft expressions. No doubt their expectations were high.

“Bella,” Mrs. Andrews began the moment my rear touched the armchair, “have you given any thought to your testimony at the trial?”

Deep breath. “I have.” I had stayed up multiple nights, thinking about my answer. I had replayed the imagined scenarios over and over in my head.

“What have you decided?”

My fingers were already trembling and I gripped them tightly in my lap. “I’ve decided that I’ll do it.”

If you haven't reviewed the last chapter, please go back and do so! Thanks for reading!

Ciao.

Holy crapola, some stuff that needs saying

2008-08-13T22:37:00.000-07:00

First off...Breaking Dawn. If you haven't read/finished it yet, you might want to skip to the bolded and capitalized marker that signifies the end of my review.

I feel for Leah. I thought she and Jacob were going to end up together. In fact, I was kind of looking forward to that. When she started talking about how much pain she was in whenever she saw Sam and Emily together, I wanted to rip my own heart out just for her. That poor girl...I never really liked her before, but I really started to understand her perspective and I thought Jacob would too. But noooo, the stupid werewolf has to go and imprint on Renesmee.

And there's another thing...who names their kid Renesmee? Don't ge me wrong, I like the kid in general--I think she's sweet and all and she gives Bella really great depth, but come on! Who names their kid Renesmee? And who nicknames them Nessie? I completely agree with pre-Volturi-confrontation Bella...that is singularly the stupidest nickname on the face of this planet. If I were Jacob, I would have started calling her Ren.

In addition, I felt a little disappointed by the severe lack of action and all around stupidity in the characters. First, I was dissatisfied by the lackage of confrontation. I really wanted to see a little more action, a little more intensity. In fact, I thought Breaking Dawn was going to be some huge, epic conflict with the Volturi, but I was severely disappointed. Second, I thought everyone was really stupid about Alice and Jasper leaving. I knew from the very beginning that it was a huge scheme and they should have known too. Especially Edward. I mean, come on! She's been your sister for over half a century and you've been able to hear her thoughts all this time. You should have known better than to believe she'd run away when her family was in trouble. If she was really worried about Jasper, she would have made sure he was safe before going back to help out her family. Bella should have realized that too. After Alice went out of her way to save her brother from an ill-informed suicide in New Moon, Bella should have known that Alice would never have abandoned them in their time of need.

But overall, I liked that Bella finally turned into a vampire and that she and Rosalie are friends now because of Renesmee. And despite the name, I like Renesmee too.

IF YOU HAVE NOT READ BREAKING DAWN, IT IS SAFE TO READ FROM THIS POINT ONWARD.

So anymawhosits, the chapter update for On the Mend.

I told you guys there was nothing to freak out over! Edward might have sprung the fact on her all of a sudden, but he's smarter than to know to ask for something in return right now. He knows waaay better, come on. Credit him with a little more common sense than that.

I have to say though, of all the dreams I've written for Bella, this one was my favorite. You see, in the chapter with the self-mutilation scene, I thought the most powerful, most poignant and symbolic part of the story up to that point was the dream. The part where she stabbed herself was the most exciting and the most dreadful part to write and even now after I read over it, it still gives me chills. So after that, I really wanted to write another dream when she talks to herself and this just seemed like the perfect place to do it. Not to mention, it's a lot mellower than all of her past dreams and much more self-revealing. In general, I just really love this dream.

So as you guys might have already realized, this conclusion that Bella has reached is a turning point. From now on, she's actually going to try. She's going to go the extra mile and she's going to actively seek closure. Stay tuned for the next few chapters, because I personally think they're pretty awesome. In fact, my favorite chapter is coming up soon, and I'll give you a heads-up on that one.

And I promised a sneak peek for the next chapter. Well here it is! I hope it whets your appetite enough to keep you interested.

Suddenly Edward groaned. I looked up and noticed a curly haired girl walking toward the table. I vaguely recognized her as one of the girls in my Spanish class…Jessica something. But what surprised me was the fact that her face was bright red with embarrassment.

I frowned in confusion. “What’s going—?” but my question was cut off by Alice shaking her head very firmly. Then she watched Jessica’s progress with a self-satisfied smirk on her face.

After what seemed like years, she finally made it to the table. “H-hi,” she greeted to everyone with a wobbly smile. “U-uh, Edward? Do you th-think I could talk t-to you alone?”

My heart sank with jealousy, but Edward simply gestured to the rest of us. “Whatever you have to say, you can say in front of all of us.”

She obviously did not want to say whatever she had to in front of us, but she had no choice. Jessica took in a deep breath before finally spitting it out. “Edwardwillyougotothedancewithme?”

Her words were so shaky and so fast that I hardly understood a single syllable, but I had gathered enough information from the awkward social situation to surmise her purpose. On my left, Alice’s lips quirked upward and she looked away from the poor girl.

Edward, on the other hand, smiled very charmingly at Jessica. For a brief moment, I saw her eyes light up with something that looked like hope as my heart sank deeper into my chest.

“I’m sorry, Jessica, but I’m afraid I can’t.” He sounded only politely apologetic.

Her face fell and a small part of me sympathized with her. However, the greater part of me was rejoicing much too loudly to acknowledge the former part. “That’s all right,” she murmured. “Did someone else ask you?”

“As a matter of fact, yes,” he replied. Then he threw a mischievous grin in my direction before continuing. “Bella asked me the day before yesterday. I hope you understand.”

My jaw dropped in horror, so I was too preoccupied to notice the look of unadulterated loathing Jessica shot at me. “Don’t worry about it, Edward. I understand. After all, there’s always prom.” Then she turned on her heel and practically ran away.

Tee hee! I think this is a pretty good spoiler, so stay tuned for the next chapter!

And as always, I am a review whore. If you haven't left any love for the last chapter, please go back and do so! Love!

Ciao.

Breaking Dawn...New Zealand?!

2008-08-02T17:38:00.000-07:00

Yes, so as I already said, I know that everyone's probably too busy reading Breaking Dawn to read the flimsy little update for On the Mend and I totally don't blame you. I just had to get this out because updates aren't going to happen for a week and a half. I'm going to be in New Zealand, so I wanted to give this to you guys first before I left.

And speaking of Breaking Dawn, my mom went and bought it while she was at work last night and she didn't bring it home! She left it at work. WHY? Because she said that I'd spend all day reading instead of packing! WHAT?

...well, that might be true, but SO? I've been waiting an entire year for this book! I NEED MY BREAKING DAWN!

Gah.

Anywaaaaays...onto the chapter update...

As most of you already guessed, Edward decided to tell Bella his secret. And there are specific reasons behind this. One, he wanted to show Bella that he knows how to keep his mouth closed. Two, he thought she deserved to know, since she shared one of her secrets with him. And finally, he wants to have an open relationship with her. He knows that Bella's not telling him the entire truth--I mean, come on. He's not an idiot. He knows that there's more to the story that she's not telling him, but he thinks that if he sets the example by opening up, by laying everything down on the table, she'll eventually feel comfortable enough to do the same. He's trying to lay a foundation for their relationship.

And I guess right now you guys are most freaked out about Edward finally admitting how he feels about her. To tell you the truth, I didn't want this to happen when I was writing the chapter. I wanted to hold the romance out for much longer. I wanted his confession of love to be this huge production, and most of all, I wanted Bella to be ready. I wanted her to know and see it coming. But no...Edward wanted her to know now. Trust me, you guys, I really wanted to draw it out. I kept saying, "No, Edward! It's too soon!"

But as you guys have already figured out, he has a mind of his own. And he wanted to say it now.

You're a little worried about Bella's reaction, I assume. Well yeah, I would be too. But to ease your fears, I'm leaving you a sneak peek for the next chapter.

“But didn’t that make you feel…incomplete?”

I sighed. “All the time. But what was I going to do? Force someone to think like me just so I would get along with them? That’s not fair to them.”

Suddenly, he took my hands in his. “But it’s not fair to you, either. I never realized how lonely you were until now. You’ve been alone your whole life, haven’t you?”

The blood rushed to my cheeks and I abruptly looked away. “What about you?” I asked. “Haven’t you been alone? It’s always been Carlisle and Esme, Rosalie and Emmett, Alice and Jasper. Didn’t you ever feel left out?”

He shrugged. “I’ll admit, there were moments when I would have liked to have had a partner, but I eventually resigned myself to the impossibility.” The longing in his voice was very faint, but I could still hear it. “After decades, I had learned to be content with just my family for company.” Then he turned his warm eyes to me and I felt my insides slowly melt. “But I doubt you’ve had as much practice as I have.”

“Perhaps,” I murmured. “But I’ve gotten used to it too.”

He reached for my hands and held them in his. “You shouldn’t have to settle for it. You deserve more than that.”

His words cut through me. They were the words that I so longed to hear, the ones that I needed to hear more than ever. But for some reason, they hurt. They made the hole inside of my chest ache and throb as tears sprang to my eyes.

Hopefully your fears have been relieved! And here's to hoping that Breaking Dawn finally brings about the inevitable.

If you haven't already reviewed, please go back and do so! Please? Pleeeaaaase? *pout*

Ciao.

Profile quotes

2008-07-29T13:10:00.000-07:00

So there are a lot of people who PM me or review my stories saying that they love my profile quotes and that my friends must be seriously funny.

Well let me tell you...they are.

My friends are seriously a hoot and a half and I love hanging out with them. Every time we get together, something crazy inevitably happens. In fact, most (if not all) of my original stories have an event that happened in real life. And I've also been trying to get some of these quotes into my original stories because they're just so...so memorable.

You know what would be awesome? If some of my fanfiction readers started reading some of my original stuff. I've tried posting on fictionpess, but to tell you the truth, I don't have nearly as much traffic there as I do on fanfiction, which generally leads me to feel incredibly self-conscious about my original stories. Maybe they're not as original as I think they are. Or maybe they're just not good. I don't know. All I know is that if you're reading this and you feel in anyway intrigued about my original stories, I would totally, totally, TOTALLY appreciate it if you went to my fictionpress account and read one of them. (Particiularly Star Struck because I think that has the most potential.)

So just in case you didn't realize it, I started talking about profile quotes and managed to smoothly (in my opinion, anyway) segue into a discussion about my original works. Score!

Haha, just kidding. But seriously, I'd really appreciate it if you guys took a gander.

Ciao.

Oh wow, chapter seven already!

2008-07-27T03:42:00.001-07:00

Wow. On the Mend is actually going much faster than I thought.

So I hope you realize the significance of Bella telling Edward how her parents died. This means that she's (finally) opening up and she's learning to trust Edward. After all, she's been drawn to him for a really long time and she's starting to realize just how much she likes him, despite her best intentions.

I also hope you guys understand how much she hates herself. She thinks that she could have prevented her parents' death. She thinks that they died needlessly, trying to protect her. If she had only been stronger, they would still be alive. They'd still be with her.

Additionally, Alan Vickers ruined her in several ways, not just one. Not only did he violate her (that story comes much later), he ruined her innocence, her life, and her ability to trust. That's why it took her so long to open up to Edward. That's why she still can't talk to Charlie or the detectives, or Dr. Levsky. She trusted her next-door-neighbor, the man that had been there for her since she was born and he completely violated that trust.

So with all this in mind, do you guys now realize just how big a step this is for her? She might not have revealed everything, but it's enough. It's enough to show Edward just how much this poor girl has been through. This chapter took a lot out of me, but I'm really, very proud of this chapter. I'm proud because Bella's finally learning to cope.

But how will Edward reward this step? What secret will he share? WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?

Well, since whoever's reading this took the time and energy to go to my profile and click on the bloglink, I will reward them with a sneak preview! (You may now thank me.)

Edward led me to the seat in front of the desk and he took the seat next to me. “Carlisle, I was hoping you would tell her your story. Our story.”

He sighed. “Alice said as much.”

I turned my curious gaze toward Edward. “What’s going on?”

But they kept talking as if they hadn’t heard me. “Edward, are you sure this is the best idea? I have no objection to her—I’m just worried that she won’t react as well as you think she might.”

Edward sighed. “I just have a feeling, Carlisle. I can’t explain it…but I know that she won’t run away, and she won’t tell anyone. She’s trustworthy.”

“I’m not questioning her trustworthiness, Edward. I’m worried about what she’ll think after you tell her. How do you know she won’t be terrified?”

Edward’s glance flickered toward me and I unconsciously straightened in my chair.“She’s been through worse,” he said firmly.

I think that's a pretty ginormous hint of what's to come. I'm actually pretty excited.

As always, if you haven't reviewed, please go back and do so! It would really make my day.

Ciao.

So it's been a while

2008-06-29T01:09:00.000-07:00

I don't know if anyone checks this anymore, but I should probably take the time to write a entry on my new Twilight story just in case.

On the Mend found its start from watching way too many Law & Order: Special Victims Unit re-runs. I started wondering, what if Bella moved to Forks for a completely different reason? What if she witnessed the murder of her mother by some insane gangster and she had to enter the Witness Protection Program? Edward has always been crazy protective of her, so no doubt he'd be even more crazy protective of her in this new situation. What I didn't know when I wrote it, though, was just how terrfied Bella would be.

I began writing this with just a murder in mind. When Bella first met Charlie, she was shy, but not as quiet as she is now. She was slowly getting used to living in a completely new environment and making the best out of her current situation. But she was doing the exact same thing in the canon literature, and it didn't feel right at all. The Bella in this story didn't like the direction I was going in either, so she made a change.

All of a sudden, she told me that both her parents were murdered. And what was worse, she was raped. She was raped by her parents' killer. And her post traumatic stress disorder took on a whole different dimension. She completely retreated into herself, unwilling to talk to anyone, much less the officers who were trying to keep this bastard off the streets. And you know what else? She didn't care if she lived or died. She didn't care about anything. She lost her faith and her hope in humanity. My heart broke when I realized all of this, but I couldn't give up on this story once it started.

I don't know where all the angst and pain came from. All I know is that the moment I started writing, I couldn't stop. Bella was reeling in her own kind of pain and it seemed so real, even to me. I even Wikipedia-ed post traumatic stress disorder because I didn't know exactly what all it entailed. All that I knew was that Bella had it. And I was totally and completely shocked to realize that it described her mental condition with disturbing accuracy. Maybe I was channeling a part of it, maybe I was just divinely inspired; I'm not sure. All I know is that I suddenly became the voice, the means of expression to a completely separate entity.

And the writing process for this story is much different the process I've utilized for other stories. For some reason, I can't stop writing for this story. This story keeps begging me to write it. Sometimes, I can hardly keep my fingers away from the keyboard. I find myself thinking of different scenarios before they actually happen. I know what's going to happen next with each chapter, and let me tell you, that has never happened before. I've rarely been so singularly obssessed with a story. In fact, it's only happened three other times: Supergirl, SGPHS, and my still untitled Twilight project that I have yet to start posting (more on that one later).

I also find myself feeling much more depressed with every word I write. It's definitely hard, writing all of this anguish and despair. Normally when I write, I find myself talking to my story, asking where it's going or just saying something to it. But when I write for this story, I'm completely silent. I don't say anything. I just retreat into myself and let Bella speak for herself. I think my beta said it best when she said she almost had to shake herself from the intensity of Bella's pain. But despite all of the intense sadness, I'm incredibly proud of it. The writing style is definitely different; I've been trying to add more detail, since that seems to be the main criticism I receive, and I definitely think I've been doing a better job with that. The chapters are also longer, and the character development is much deeper.

And in the end, I think Bella and I are both trying to say something. There's always hope. There's always someone there who will be willing to help you, to lend a helping hand and a shoulder to cry on. It sounds cliche, but if you just look, the good stuff is much greater than all the bad stuff. And when we pull together to help those around us, it makes us that much stronger.

Anyways, onto another subject...my as of yet untitled Twilight project!

Yes, friends, this is probably the story I've been the most hesitant about. You see, I've been working on this really cool story for quite some time now. I started it in December and before I knew it, I had sixteen chapters finished. It's also in third person, a point of view I haven't written in for quite some time.

Now let me try to explain how this story came about. I started wondering just why Bella liked the sunshine so much. What's the big deal about sunshine? And what's so wrong with rain? I mean, I don't blame her; I rather despise cloudy weather myself, but she had to have some reason. And then I thought...what if she were Apollo's daughter?

All of a sudden, the story turned into a huge Twilight/Greek mythology crossover. Everything in the canon literature got Greekified in some way. And you know what the craziest part about it was? The plot is just too damn perfect. Like, it started off with me just wondering what it would be like if Bella was actually the daughter of a Greek god and it turned into this huge adventure, almost like an epic. Things started to fall into place way too easily, almost as if Stephenie Meyer had left these huge, gaping holes for this exact purpose. I can't explain it, but the story started to come together of its own volition.

I also started to look for a beta to read through it. She likes it, and she's impatiently waiting for the next few chapters (because it's not finished yet). But they'll come eventually, I'm sure. I'm just waiting for the muses to strike once more and make me finish what I've started.

So why, you ask, have I not started uploading it? Well you see, friends, I want to make sure everything about it is perfect before you all start reading it. This is my baby, my brainchild, and I need to make sure everything is polished, clean and complete before it's ready to be unveiled. If the muses decide to strike anytime soon, I have no doubts that the story will be finished before school starts up again, and all I'll have to do is upload. But until that time, you, my faithful readers, will just have to wait. Please be patient. I think it's worth it, and hopefully you will too.

So, in summary: if you haven't started reading On the Mend yet, I hope you do. I'm very proud of it. And if you're looking for a Twilight adventure of epic proportions, then just hang on until September-ish.

Thank you so much! I love my readers and if it were physically possible to send cookies through the internet, I totally would.

Ciao.

Ch. 11 (finally!)

2007-11-18T19:36:00.000-08:00

So I know that it's been forever and you guys probably hate and resent me for making you all wait and I would just like to say, I'M SO SORRY! I want to say I'm sorry a million times over, but you don't have the time to read all of that and I need to say a few things.

First off: the chapter. I know that it seems like Meredith and Derek are acting really flaky, but you have to realize that they don't know what they want and they don't know how the other person feels. They're being stupid and flaky because...well they haven't really grown up yet. But don't worry. They'll grow up in the next few chapters. The story is starting to come to an end and I'm determined for this to have a happy ending, so definitely stay tuned.

And speaking of growing up...I'm sure you saw the episode last Thursday, and I'm sure that those of you who have read Seattle Grace Prepatory High School, you will understand why I was ABSOLUTELY FLIPPING OUT. I guess I was wrong when it came to picking who the characters would have been in high school (except for Cristina and Mark) but I was still beyond, beyond excited.

And speaking of SGPHS, some kind person nominated my story for Grey's Spoilers top three fanfictions! I'm really happy and I would greatly, greatly appreciate it if you guys voted for me. I posted the link on my profile so if you would please vote for me. Thank you if you do, and thank you to whoever nominated me!

And also speaking of my profile, I've been telling all my friends that my readers on fanfiction thought they were funny and clever and they've been getting ginormous heads. That doesn't really have anything to do with my writing, but I thought you guys should know they're having a competition to see who's funnier, judged by random people. =)

Just in case you didn't notice, I tried to make this post as fluid as possible...I might have failed...but eh. Whatever.

As usual, if you didn't review, please go back and do so now. Thank you!

Ciao.

All's Fair in Love and War ch. 5

2007-09-24T19:49:00.000-07:00

The chapter starts off with Rory and Jess finishing Wuthering Heights. This means that enough time has passed for them to form a solid friendship. It also means that they have a foundation to build on, not just playful antagonism and witty banter. They have already established the fact that they enjoy being in each other's presence. This is an important step in their relationship; bit by bit, Jess is beginning to tear down Rory's barriers.

And I can't believe you guys thought the soldier was going to be Dean. XD Let me explain to you right now how much I hate that guy: I hate him. I hate him with a fiery passion and NO STORY THAT I EVER WRITE FOR GILMORE GIRLS WILL HAVE DEAN IN IT.

I'm glad that you guys enjoyed the whole Collin/Finn/Logan/Jess relationship. I just love Collin, Finn, and Logan from the show, but I wanted Jess to end up with Rory. I just couldn't let go of the idea that the four of them should be friends and what better way to bring them together than a war? I know that sounds kind of sick and morbid, but it's really a great dynamic for forming long last bonds. And I had soo much fun writing the revenge scene. I was laughing to myself when I thought it up. Good thing my roommate was asleep. XD

Anyways, if you forgot to review please go back and do so now! Thank you!

Ciao.

Update 8/02/07

2007-09-02T10:23:00.000-07:00

Yay! I updated. It's been a while since I just wrote without stopping, and this is definitely a good thing. It means I'm on a roll. Which also means that updates will happen sooner than usual. So yay again!

[Shadows of Hope]
Ahh...they're officially in a relationship. I couldn't wait to get to this point. I was so, so, super excited to get here! And now we're here.

A couple of things: now that they're officially "going out" it's officially a point of no return. They have both acknowledged the fact that they've fallen too far to dig themselves out again. So it's going to hurt a billion times more when Bella tells Edward that she doesn't have much time left. And as much as Edward constantly downplays his humanity, he's still got human emotions. He's going to be completely devastated when he finds out. And Bella's going to have to tell him soon, before something happens. (nudge nudge wink wink)

A lot of you have been asking kind of the same questions in past chapters, so I will answer them here. Yes, Edward would smell/notice if Bella was taking medication for whatever she has. But the thing is, her disease has progressed too far for medication to make a difference, so she's not taking any. And Carlisle is not her doctor, but even if he was he wouldn't tell Edward what she has/she's dying because he would be legally bound not to. Patient/doctor privilege and all that.

Like I said at the end of the chapter, if you guys can tell me who played "I'm in a Dancing Mood" then I'll answer your question. The only question I will not answer is whether or not Bella will "survive" (I use that term loosely). So ask wisely!

[All's Fair in Love and War]
Rory and Jess have now officially reached a point of no return (I love that phrase). Jess might have been kidding in the beginning, but he's definitely not kidding anymore. And Rory is definitely not sure how much longer she can keep up the patient/nurse wall. She's falling for Jess a lot harder than she'd like to admit and it's becoming more and more evident. *gasp* WHAT WILL HAPPEN?

And let me tell you guys, I had to draw on every last romantic bone in my body to write that letter. It's perhaps the sweetest thing I've ever written and I put a lot of effort into it, so I'm naturally very proud of it. ^_^ And it's a very Jess kinda thing to do, isn't it? Write a sweet, romantic letter? 'Cause he'd make such an awesome writer and all. So yeah. I just really like my letter. =)

[ending notes]
Pretty much no clue when I'll have the next chapters up. You'll just have to wait and see.

If you haven't reviewed yet, please go back and do so! Thank you!

Ciao.

Update 8/21/07

2007-08-21T09:57:00.000-07:00

Phew, it's been a while since I last updated! This chapter was giving me troubles, lemme tell ya. At first, Meredith wanted to be bitchy and cold and have a past, but then she didn't. And then I was sick of interpreting her moods, so I just decided to stick to the general genre of the whole story (humor) and now you have the lovely chapter before you today.

First off, HAHA, MEREDITH AND DEREK HAVE TO PUT UP WITH EACH OTHER! It was so much fun writing that elevator scene. And it was a lot of fun writing the Viper scene. And it was a lot of fun writing the lunch scene. Just a lot of fun writing all around.

Isn't awesome how they try to hate each other, but in reality they're secretly pining for each other and waiting for the other one to admit it so they can be together forever? It's a good thing Derek has such a good friend to help him out, eh? ^_~

I know that Mark's generally a womanizing asshole, but he really is a very good friend to Derek. Aside from the whole sleeping-with-Derek's-wife-thing, he's actually been there for Derek whenever he's needed in the show, and right now, he's definitely needed. Just not in the way Derek thinks.

And for those of you who are worried (because I know there are some of you out there) I don't plan on making this into a triangle story. I detest, I hate, I loathe writing triangle stories. I got a little taste of how much I hated trying to keep up with them during SGPHS and it definitely hasn't changed. So for all of you diehard MerDer fans, there's no need to worry, Meredith will feel nothing for Mark in later chapters. And for all of you diehard MerMark fans...well, I'm sorry.

If you've forgotten to review (GASP!) please go back and do so now. Thank you!

Ciao.

News 07/01/07

2007-06-30T23:54:00.000-07:00

Kay guys, so here's the deal. I've been getting a lot of PMs and reviews asking me to update. And lemme tell ya, if I could, I would. Seriously. It's killing me that I'm so fary away from my laptop with all my stories. Right now I'm in California with family, and in no condition to update. I really, really, really wish I could. I can't begin to tell you. I've been itching to write for the longest time, but I can't. Instead, I have to wait. Which really really sucks.

But the moment I get home, I will update. I promise I will.

Thank you guys for all the love and all the encouragement! It means so much to me.

Ciao.

By jove, she's updating!

2007-06-18T00:21:00.001-07:00

Ah, yes. I am updating. I like to call this the great fanfiction project; updating as many stories as I can on one day before I leave for vacation.

There's a lot to say, since I'm updating all at once, so this is probably where you start to scroll down, looking for the notes on the story that you read and then leaving. Well here we go then.

[This Heart]
Oh my GOSH this epilogue was SO HARD TO WRITE! I'm not kidding, I backspaced through those vows so many times, I pretty much lost count. It was really, really difficult. I don't know how real life couples actually write their own vows. They must really love each other to subject themselves to that kind of torture.

So the story started with Meredith's musings on he sad, pathetic life and ends with Derek's rosy outlook on the rest of his own. Especially since he's sharing it with Meredith. I didn't do it on purpose. That is actually pure coincidence, but now that I look back at it, it's actually a very cool coincidence.

I hope you guys realized that Derek's and Meredith's vows both had very distinct themes to them. Derek's was about paths in life and Meredith's were about second chances, which I think are both very appropriate topics for the two of them. Derek's life has been pretty helter skelter since he found out that his wife was cheating on him, so to see that the crazy path he took after his New York life led him to the moment when he married the love of his life is really sweet. And Meredith's whole thing with second chances is very appropriate for her. Because let's face it, she's really good at ruining her own life, am I right? Yes, I'm right. And so second chances are really important to her. And it's a good thing that Derek's always willing to give her one, because she's definitely going to be needing them.

But I think the two of them are going to be just fine, don't you? I think so.

I find it kind of funny how SGPHS and This Heart both end with a wedding. *shrug* I guess I just like familiarity.

Thanks so much for reading, you guys. I can't express in enough words how much it means to me that you took the time out of your busy schedules to read and review. You guys are the greatest group of readers an author can ask for. ^_^

[Dirty Dancing]
So I think I did a pretty good job casting George, don't you think? It kind of broke my heart though, making him the pompous jackass that thinks he's better than everyone else. But honestly, who else could have been Neil? No one.

Anyways, this chapter begins Meredith's fascination with Derek. Every time she sees him, she gets butterflies in her stomach and shivers run down her spine. There's something special about that guy, and she's about to find out just how special.

Just a little note: the rating for this story might change to M sometime soon. It depends on how graphic I want to get with the descriptions *nudge nudge* if you know what I mean. ^_~ The movie actually get's pretty racy but trails off without actually showing you anything. So I might pick up where the movie leaves off in certain places...with a lot of adjectives.

For those of you who have not seen the movie, I highly, highly, highly recommend you do. You won't be sorry.

[All's Fair in Love and War]
I'd like to begin this by saying I know that Finn is Australian, but for all intents and purposes of keeping the historical integrity of this story intact, Finn will be a young British soldier with a cockney accent.

So in this chapter, we see that Rory is, one, not allowed to have any feelings for her charges and two, greatly liked by the whole hospital. That means that Jess has competition, and it also means that he has his work cut out for him.

I love writing Jess as such a cocky bastard. I always kind of figured that he'd be really cheeky if he were born in the forties.

Did you guys like how I casted Logan, Finn, Colin, and Paris? I thought it was pretty brilliant of me, actually. But don't worry for all you die hard literati fans out there. There will be no love triangles or any other crazy geometric shapes because that just gets confusing for me and for you guys as the readers. Plus, I hate writing love triangles. I love reading them, but I hate writing them.

Someone commented last chapter that Jess isn't really the type to sign up for a war voluntarily, and I agree. He's not. But you guys have to realize that times were a lot different back then. People were patriotic, almost to a fault. It was noble and honorable for young men to fight for their country in the forties, and Jess has the strength and the youth to do so. He signed up of his own free will, but the carnage of the battlefield takes its toll on his psyche, just like the rest of the soldiers. But you'll see that later in the story.

[Shadows of Hope]
Probably the most frequently asked questions about this story are:

1. Is Bella dying?
2. What is Bella dying of?
3. Will Bella die in this story?

First of all, yes, Bella is dying. And I can't tell you guys what she's dying of yet. You'll find out soon enough. I also cannot tell you if she will actually die or not. If I told you, that would ruin the surprise of the story, wouldn't it?

In this chapter, Edward finds himself falling more and more for our Bella, and for him it's scary and exciting all at once. But for me, I think the most important part about this chapter comes at the end, when Bella's begging Edward to stay out of her parents' heads. As much as Bella says that she's honest and upfront, she still has secrets and she's entitled to keep them as much as the next person. But as her relationship with Edward progresses, the importance of keeping her secret starts to weigh down on her. What will happen? ^_~ Read and find out.

[WF, BE]
Oh come on. You didn't think that Derek was actually going to let Meredith off the hook that easily, did you? And you didn't think that they were so close on their way to being BFFs, did you? Nothing in life is that easy, especially for Meredith and Derek.

BUT (and this is a pretty big but) Derek is beginning to realize that he has feelings for Meredith, and not the kind of feelings that makes him want to strangle her or anything. No, these are the kind of feelings that lead to the warm and fuzzies later on. And I dropped a few hints about Meredith's feelings as well. She's starting to fall a little bit too.

I just want you guys to realize that it's going to take these two a while to move on from their childhood. You don't get over those pretty terrible years overnight. It'll take a lot of work, and whether or not Meredith and Derek are willing to put that work into it is still in question. But hey, it's a possibility, right? ^_^

[ending notes]
So, I'm pretty sure that this has been the greatest update frenzy I have ever gone on. I just wanted to leave you guys with something before I left for vacation. I'll be back in a few days, but I won't have much internet access, so when I come home I want to have loads and loads of reviews waiting for me in my inbox! I know you guys can do it!

Ciao.

Update 6/5/07

2007-06-05T15:21:00.000-07:00

I'd first like to apologize for the long wait! I really have no excuse.

So...what did you guys think? I was in dire need of some really sweet MerDer fluff. The end of that chapter was basically just cotton candy. The really, really fluffy kind you get at the circus. Without the smell of elephant dung.

You get the picture.

I was just sick of Meredith being so...angsty. She was like a teenager with all the angst and the "no one understands me". And to tell yout he truth, I was sick of Derek being so, "she doesn't want to talk to me, why bother" so I threw that out the window. They had a semi-long talk and a four year long relationship that led to the engagement ring and the Frank Sinatra impersonator. (Why aren't there more Frankie impersonators? There are a MILLION fat Elvises running around Las Vegas and Frankie was a thousand times more talented than that loser.) And the last piece of cheesecake. Don't forget that.

I seriously don't know what I just wrote. I'm rambling. Seriously. Usually my blog posts have at least a semblance of order and a little more substance than just ADD going wild. I'm sorry. This is what happens when I'm cooped up in my room alone with a computer for long periods of time. I go slightly insane.

Like I said at the end of the chapter, there's only one bit left. It'll be sort of like an epilogue, but I don't really want to call it that. I think the last chapter should always tie up the loose ends left behind from the rest of the story, so that's what it's going to do.

If you haven't reviewed, please, please, PLEASE go back and do so! It would totally make my day.

Ciao.

Dirty Dancing: Grey's Anatomy Style!

2007-05-29T10:20:00.000-07:00

Haha...so I was watching Dirty Dancing the other day, and I started musing...mmm, Patrick Swayze. He's got the same first name as Patrick Dempsey. And that's when it hit me: what if Derek was Johnny? And Meredith was Baby? Just think of all the possibilities! Oh, it would be amazing!

I loved the idea so much, and I just couldn't get it out of my head. So I found the script and started writing it down. And I have to admit, I think this is one of my better ideas.

So if you guys like it, please review!

Ciao.

Update 5/22/07

2007-05-22T13:59:00.000-07:00

I know the people wo read my writer's blog usually just read it for my Grey's Anatomy fanfictions, but I'm also writing a story for Twilight. I recommend you read it--it's a lot like This Heart, but with some significant differences.

[Shadows of Hope discussion]
So if you've read this chapter, we start to see Edward's increasing interest in Bella. He finds that he can no longer stay away from her and that she's too irresistible on so many levels. He's even willing to fight his family (namely Rosalie) for her.

I loved this chapter because it shows his humanity. Edward needs to realize that he still has his human tendencies, and that Bella is bringing it out of him.

[WF, BE discussion]
I couldn't make Izzie and Mer fight for very long. They've been together for too long and have been best friends since forever. And besides, Izzie doesn't really like to hold onto grudges. It's not very healthy, and it's not what JESUS WOULD FREAKING DO!

But I really want to talk about Derek. Derek's slowly beginning to realize that he's starting to see Meredith as more than the little girl that used to hit him with the jump rope. She's a woman now, and she's a surgeon. A talented, intelligent one at that. He couldn't ignore that forever.

So I'm really excited for next chapter, mainly because there's an elevator scene. And I'm really, really excited about it. So stay tuned. ^_~

[ending notes]
I'm going to be out of town on Thursday until Sunday, but I'm bringing my laptop with me, so I might be able to write, I might not. I'm just giving you guys a heads-up. Because I love you.

Ciao.

Chapter 9 of This Heart

2007-05-17T01:03:00.000-07:00

This is quite possibly my favorite chapter.

At first, I just kind of sat at my computer, tapping random keys, not really knowing what to write or how to start it off. But then it just came to me--that Derek should be having his bone marrow extracted.

And then when Izzie and George are helping him out of the hospital. THAT'S MY FAVORITE PART! I just loved it when Izzie was thanking him and George was saying sorry and they were telling him that Meredith would live through this because she's a fighter and she doesn't give up easily. I just thought that it showed true human nature, to stick together and protect one another when someone is in trouble. It's Izzie's nature anyway, as the compassionate one, to really stick up for the defenseless. But George--man, George just rocked this chapter. He rocked it hard.

And Meredith's decided to fight. She's decided to survive because she wasn't done yet. There was still more to do, more to accomplish before she was even remotely ready to die. She still has to finish her residency, she still has to attend Cristina's wedding and deal with her crazy freak outs. But most of all, she still has to tell McDreamy that she loves him. Not like he doesn't already know that, but now she also has to thank him for the bone marrow. And she can't die yet without hearing the words "I love you" come out of his mouth.

Oh, and Cristina's getting married. I'm going somewhere with that, I swear.

Anyways, thank you for making This Heart my most successful story on fanfiction. It really means a lot to me that you guys like it so much. I love you guys! You rock!

Ciao.

Chapter 4 of WF, BE

2007-05-15T18:25:00.000-07:00

Alright, so I have to explain the characterizations for a moment before I go any further with this.

In this story, Meredith has been a bit selfish ever since she was a child. She was an only child and generally got whatever she wanted. And as you all know, Izzie's a very giving sort of person. She usually considers other people before she considers herself. So when she finds out that Meredith kissed McSteamy when she knew full well that Izzie had a huge thing for him, it really hurt her. She's been dealing with Meredith's selfishness since kindergarten, but there has to be a point where you just stop. She's sick of giving in and giving a crap when Meredith hardly ever does anything in return. So when Meredith turns down the surgery for Izzie, it's her way of trying to make up for her selfishness.

Also, is it just me, or is Derek acting a bit like a girl in this chapter? I mean, accusing his best friend of taking sides with the enemy, announcing secrets just to spite said enemy...that's something a girl would do. No offense to you raging feminists out there, after all, this is a wide, sweeping generalization, but girls fight dirty. They say things that aren't supposed to be said just so it'll look like they'll come out on top.

But Joe, in his infinite, I-watch-people-get-drunk-and-listen-to-their-problems-on-a-daily-basis-like wisdom realizes that underneath all that anger and hostility, Derek is actually a lot fonder of Meredith than he likes to admit. So what if she egged his car? So what if she made him a social pariah in high school? People change, Der. People change and whether you like it or not, Meredith is freaking hot. So whatcha gonna do, McDreamy? Are you just going to keep her on scut monkey patrol and pretend that she hasn't changed, or are you going to roll with the punches and mend the fence? Couldn't hurt, right?

I'm sorry it took me so long to get this chapter up. My last year of high school is coming to an end (as in, I'm graduating on Sunday) and with that comes emotional baggage, tears, nostalgic slideshows featuring pictures of me with my horrible, acne-ridden face of ninth grade set to the background of Green Day's "Good Riddance", and a shitload of paperwork that I'd rather forget about right now. But rest assured, the moment Sunday rolls around, I will be free as a bird to write as much as I want and you will very soon see the next chapter of This Heart and WF, BE. So don't worry, kay? And as always, review and I'll answer!

Ciao.

Update 5/507

2007-05-05T12:19:00.000-07:00

[This Heart discussion]
Some interesting stuff going on in this chapter. First of all, Meredith's getting quarantined. That's always kindasorta fascinated me, you know? This whole quarantining business. Scary, but fascinating. But the fact that Mer's getting quarantined means that she's on her way to recovery. Hopefully, right? ^_~

Second of all, Meredith and Derek are finally talking again. Like I said at the end of the chapter, I wrote it in anger after I saw the previews for the next episode. And the lackage of really cute, fluffy MerDer moments LIKE THERE SHOULD HAVE BEEN prompted me to write a chapter in which Meredith and Derek kindasorta set aside their anger/differences and start talking to each other again. And you know, the only reason that Derek stayed away from her to begin with was because he thought that was what she wanted because Meredith has this horrible inability to communicate with anyone, as seen LAST THURSDAY.

And last, but definitely not least, Meredith knows that Derek's the donor. Like I said in the A/N at the end of the chapter, I took Jumper-Lover191's advice and made Alex tell her that Derek was donor guy. I knew someone else was going to tell her that Derek was the donor, I just didn't realize that making that someone else Alex was a good idea. And when I thought about it, it made sense. Meredith would more easily believe Alex over, let's say, George, because Alex is that jackass that never lies. You know how every group has a Karen? Well every group has an Alex, and you can always count on Alex to never lie.

Chapter 9 might take some time because I have absolutely no idea what I'm going to do with it, so just have some patience with me.

[WF, BE discussion]
Alright, I know that Derek's being a complete jerk in this story, but you have to realize; Meredith was that one obnoxious little girl in elementary school that no one could stand. She went out of her way to make Derek's life hell and it succeeded. Can you really blame Derek for wanting to give her hell back?

On the other hand, he's also being really immature. Meredith's obviously already grown up. Derek should learn to move on. He's holding onto this stupid grudge from freaking high school. Come on, Derek! Learn to get over it.

But you have to give Mer some props. She's handling scut monkey patrol particularly well, you know. I'm proud of my girl.

[ending notes]
So...Grey's last Thursday, huh? Thursday was quite possibly the worst day ever. But I have to say that I'm actually excited about the Addison spinoff. It looks really interesting and really exciting.

As always, drop me a review and I will answer!

Ciao.

Update 5/3/07

2007-05-02T20:38:00.000-07:00

[This Heart discussion]
So they found a match. Said match is Derek. Derek's the match. Derek is Meredith's match.

I hope you can see the symbolism.

I went into this story knowing that Derek was going to be the match. Not only is it tragically romantic, amazingly selfless, beautifully heart-breaking and incredibly cliched, it's something Derek would do, isn't it? Derek would give anything within his power for Meredith, because to him, she's worth it. And especially in this story, he needs to prove to her that he's not going to leave her. Because let's face it, Der: she asked you to pick her. You didn't. That's a truly asshole move right there. And you completely betrayed her trust. He had to earn it back again and show her that she's a woman worth fighting for.

As for Meredith...well she doesn't know that Derek's going to be the donor. Not yet anyways. There's loads of preparation she has to go through first before the transplantation can take place.

Some medical background before I continue; in the chapter, Dr. Hahn said that it wasn't a perfect match, and that sometimes happens. When testing to see bone marrow compatibility, they check the genetic makeup of the tissue, and those genes are separated into two categories: Type I and Type II. A mismatch in the Type I genes, which is what Meredith's and Derek's bone marrows have, increases the risk of graft rejection, meaning that there is a chance that Meredith's body will reject Derek's bone marrow. A mismatch in Type II genes increases the risk of graft-versus-host-disease, or GVHD, which we don't want.

So there you have it. Like I said at the end of the chapter, I've reached the middle of the story, but not necessarily the climax. Mer still has to find out that Derek saved her life and then we're good to go.

[Worst Friends, Best Enemies discussion]
I love this chapter mainly because it goes further into the history between the two. For example, the whole gay porno mag thing. I was watching music videos at the time and that My Chemical Romance video came on, the one for "I'm Not Okay (I promise)" and I was just inspired by the part where the guy opens his locker and all these medicine bottles come tumbling out of his locker. And besides, doesn't that sound like something obnoxious, high school Meredith would do? I think it does.

Some things to say about this story: as much as I love and admire Cristina, she will not be Meredith's person in this story. Mer has stuck with Izzie since kindergarten, and you don't throw something like that away. I really hate to break up the dream team, but for the sake of the story and it's level of believeability, it has to be done.

[ending notes]
I'm really starting to wonder about this wavelength thing between Shonda and me. I mean, everything is starting to happen just like I thought it would, and it's kinda creeping me out, not gonna lie. And I've sort of been writing what I think will happen in the show into my stories and it's all starting to get a little uncanny. I'm really starting to wonder.

If you have any questions, comments or concerns, drop me a review and I will reply!

Ciao.

Worst Friends, Best Enemies

2007-05-02T18:28:00.000-07:00

So as I'm sure you've already realized, my new lighthearted Grey's fic is called Worst Friends, Best Enemies. After I finished writing SGPHS, I remember thinking, what would it be like if Meredith and Derek grew up next door, hating each other? Just imagine the possibilities for the sexual tension.

Yes. I said sexual tension. It's going to be amazing.

This is mostly lighthearted humor, a few serious moments, but that comes with working in a hospital. I don't really know where the storyline's going to go...*guilt*...but it's gonna be good. I promise.

As always, if you haven't reviewed, please go back and do so. It'll make my day.

Ciao.

Miscellaneous stuff that needs to be addressed

2007-04-28T09:51:00.000-07:00

Really quick prediction: Meredith and Mark are going to hook up during the season finale. I'm really, really feeling it. My intuition is going flipping insane right now, and it's telling me that something's up with Meredith and Mark. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing, considering the way Derek's been acting lately, but I just don't want to see her screw up this amazing thing she has with Derek.

Anyways...about SGPHS and its possible sequel.

If I had to hazard a guess at the possibility of me writing it right now, it's eighty percent likely that I will. The unaccounted twenty percent comes from me not really wanting to commit to something that I'm not sure I have the drive or energy to finish.

But if I do write the sequel, there are several things that I need to say about it. I already have the title for it: Senoiritis. Because SGPHS wasn't just focusing on the shaky Meredith/Mark/Derek relationships, Senoiritis won't just be focusing on Derek/Addison/Meredith. It's going to be looking into the insanity of senior year and the toll it can take on personal relationships. And when I said that it would have a different ending than SGPHS, I meant that it wouldn't end at Ellis' wedding because that's the resolution of the mother/daughter conflict between Meredith and Ellis. I have a few ideas of how it's going to end but I'm still tossing them around.

As for This Heart, I've decided that MerDer confrontation will be in chapter six. I'm not sure when it will be ready because there's a lot that everyone, including the interns, want to say. Not to mention the next few days are going to be pretty crazy for me, so it might be a while, and for that I apologize.

And last, but definitely not least, I have two new story ideas that are kind of running around in my head. One is light-hearted, the other is pretty heavy and angst-ridden. I'm not sure which one to post first, so if you guys could tell me what I should put first, that would be great.

Ciao.

Ah, finally

2007-04-24T14:05:00.000-07:00

You know, you guys are pretty lucky. I almost wasn't able to update because I couldn't get to my stories editing page on my computerm so I had to wait 'til I got to school to update. I must love you guys, otherwise, I wouldn't waste the effort. ^_^ Just kidding.

[SGPHS discussion]
Ah. The end. Doesn't it feel so good? Well, some of you might not like the end. But I liked it. Everythhing resolved itself. The epilogue will really tie up all the loose ends and answer any questions you may have left over. It's been a pretty interesting journey, don't you think? From Mark to Derek, parties to Homecoming, dresses to mums...a pretty wild freshmen year for our favorite intern. I remember when you all were so scared that this would turn out to be a MerMark story. Ha!

[This Heart discussion]
I really liked this chapter, mainly because for once Meredith isn't thinking about Derek's reaction. She's worried about her friends and how they're going to handle it. And they're all willing to get tested for her. To see if they can help her. That is true friendship.

Now about Derek getting tested: I hope you guys realize that the fact that he might be a potential match is a real long shot. REAL long. But the chance is still there. I hope you guys know where I'm going with this now, because some of you didn't quite get it.

[ending notes]
Now that SGPHS is very close to being finished, I will be able to focus more fully on This Heart. But just to give you guys a heads up, I actually do have another story idea that I'm currently fleshing out. I'm interested to see your reactions when I put it up. It's kind of...out there. For lack of a better phrase. But anyways, thanks for reading! I really, truly appreciate it.

Ciao.

OH MY GOSH SHONDA AND I HAVE GOT TO BE SOUL SISTERS!

2007-04-20T14:34:00.000-07:00

Did you guys see last night's episode? The moment Hannah's mother said that Izzie Jr. needed a bone marrow transplant, I completely freaked out. Like, seriously FLIPPED OUT. And you know what else? Izzie Jr. has AML! I know that's not really something to get excited over, but come on! I almost died, I was so excited.

I swear, Shonda and I have to be on the same wavelength or something. We're both writers (obviously), she went to a Marianist Catholic high school, I go to a Marianist Catholic high school. We share the same birthday for crying out loud! I really want to meet her and tell her all of this. It's so cool!

Okay so anyways...you guys probably want to know when I'm updating. Well the next chapter for This Heart is going splendidly and should be ready to post soon. But I don't think I'll post until the alerts are fixed because I haven't been getting any review alerts for SGPHS and none of my readers seemed to get an alert that I had updated at all. So I think I'm going to wait until they fix that.

Ciao.

Chapter 20

2007-04-16T21:03:00.000-07:00

I'm back! Colorado was flipping amazing and gave me so many ideas for stories that it was not cool. I wanted my computer with me so badly to check my email and read all the encouragements you guys offer me everytime I update. But alas, I had to wait. And I was really, really pleased with the amount of reviews you guys left. Thank you so much!

Yes, so I kindasorta used the season two finale as the basis for this chapter. I really needed some kind of tragedy to bring Meredith and her mother closer together, to finish the job that Derek's accident started. This is when they really bond and start to understand each other. Meredith realizes the demands of her mother's job and Ellis begins to see her daughter as an extraordianry human being.

So if you think me stealing "Losing my Religion" is kind of lame, well then I'd have to agree. But I also think that it was kindasorta called for.

Next chapter is last chapter, then epilogue. This is by far the longest story (fanfic or original) I have ever written, so I'm very excited for you to finish this milestone in my writing career.

Ciao.

So...

2007-04-11T09:11:00.000-07:00

[SGPHS discussion]
Ahh, yes. The long awaited MerDer action.

To be honest, I've been dying to get to this chapter. Seriously, dying. I was so ready to post this chapter the minute I finished writing it. But you guys were still on chapter three or something like that, so it really wouldn't have made much sense. So now that you're here...

OH MY GOD DEREK KISSED MEREDITH!

But he wasn't supposed to. And Meredith wasn't supposed to kiss him back. *gasp* Oh snap. So there are all sorts of crazy, mixed feelings being felt on both sides. Of course, Mer already knows that she loves Derek, but Derek's not sure yet. How do you throw away two years of the first meaningful relationship you've ever had? The thing is, you don't. But Meredith saved his life. At this point, he's asking himself, would Addison have done the same thing? Would she have had the strength or the emotional fortitude to pull him out of a smashed car? Would she be able to stomach several surgeons cutting into him, watching in the gallery and reporting back to his family and friends of his hourly progress? The way I wrote Addison, I don't really see that happening. At least, not now. Maybe after several years of medical school education, but not now.

And Mark? Already knowing how she's in love with his best friend? Yeah, it's because Mark's so badass. I really, really love Mark in this chapter. Even if he's so absolutely beyond out-of-character, it's so nice to see that he has more emotional depth than he's usually credited for.

I also wanted to talk about Izzie. It's been a while since Mer's talked to her because Cristina has sortakinda taken her place. But Izzie has some wisdom and they're still good friends. So as Mer's first good girl friend, it's her duty to impart some of that wisdom to her.

[This Heart discussion]
A lot was going on in this chapter. First of all, Mer found out that a BMT would be her best shot at survival. That's gotta be rough, you know? Realizing that drastic measures are the only way she'll survive. It's gotta suck. But you guys are a very smart group of readers, so I'm sure you'll be able to guess where I'm going with that.

Another thing...Addie and Derek are getting a divorce! It's about time Addie let go. Seriously. It's like that old saying goes: if you love it, let it go. There's a second part to that phrase, but it doesn't apply to this situation. So we'll leave it out. And as a sidenote, I absolutely love Cristina in this chapter. Because she flipping rules. Her being all protective and helpful is just her way of dealing with Meredith's illness. Because if her person bottoms out, she won't have much left.

And of course...Meredith passed out. I know what you guys are thinking--MEREDITH PASSED OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF A SURGERY! THAT MEANS DEREK WILL FIND OUT, RIGHT? RIGHT?? *shrugs* Maybe? Who knows? Dr. Shepherd, though very dreamy, isn't always the brightest crayon in the box, if you know what I'm saying. So go ahead and speculate all you want because it might happen and it might not. You'll just have to read and review.

[ending notes]
As I'm sure you already read in my A/N at the end of the chapters, I'm going to be in Breckenridge for a band trip for the next five days, so I won't be able to update for a while, but the moment I get home, I will definitely be working my butt off on Chapter Five.

Please feel free to leave comments on blog if you want. You don't have to have a blogspot to leave one, it's cool if you don't. You can just leave an anonymous comment or something. It's all good. I'd just like to know your guys' opinions. Thanks!

Ciao.

New Story

2007-04-08T21:27:00.000-07:00

So I've started a new original story (one that I probably won't finish either). It's about a suburbian girl named Kennice (otherwise known as Kenny) escaping a past. On the plane ride to California, she meets a famous fashion photographer, Nathan, who "discovers" her and introduces her to a whirlwind lifestyle of luxury and sophistication. While Kenny's trying to establish roots and make a name for herself in the industry, she doesn't realize that Nathan, with whom she is forging a very strong friendship, slowly starts to fall in love with her. But he has to break down the barriers built by her dark past before she can fully let herself go.

Cast of characters, you ask? Well this is sort of to give you an idea, but:

Nathaniel "Nathan" Blackledge - Sean Maguire

Kennice "Kenny" Farson - Camille Solari (without the makeup)

Kennice "Kenny" Farson - Rachel Leigh Cook (but only if she looks like this and with green eyes)

OR

Kennice "Kenny" Farson - Kate Beckinsale (with darker hair and green eyes)

It's hard trying to cast your female lead. I couldn't really find any actresses that were absolutely beautiful without being too harsh. In all honesty, the only girl that can play innocence well enough would be Rachel Leigh Cook, but Kate Beckinsale and Camille Solari have the look. Mix Rachel Leigh Cook's innocence with Kate Beckinsale's and Camille Solari's looks and you'll get a basic idea of Kenny.

Anyways, I really like the idea. And I really like my male lead. Nathaniel is just a good guy. I really like him.

It's up in the air on whether or not I'll post it. Tell me if you want me to and I will.

Ciao.

Ahh...Meredith, you're so stupid...

2007-04-07T09:16:00.000-07:00

Let's face it: that's what you've all been thinking, right? Meredith is so stupid. It's obvious that Derek is lashing out at her because he feels all the wrong emotions for her, and that's not really his fault. It's not like he asked to start liking his best friend's girlfriend. That was never in the plan. But to tell you the truth, I'm kind of upset with Derek. Meredith is just a clueless little freshman. I mean, come on! How the heck was she supposed to know that he liked her? And she's already got a boyfriend, Derek. That's a really asshole move on your part.

*sigh* You didn't think I'd let you guys have a happy ending without a few more chances for the two of them to be completely stupid, did you? I mean, come on! It's Derek and Meredith. Stupid is practically synonymous with those two names combined.

But, as promised, I have a preview for the next chapter. It's very short, but I hope that it will whet your appetites. So to speak.

“What do you want, Derek?”

“I want you.”

I grasped at the doorknob desperately. I had to get out of there. “You can’t, Derek. You can’t have me. I’m not yours.”

“So, what, you belong to Mark?” he asked, his blue eyes blazing.

“I don’t belong to anyone, Derek,” I said quietly. “But you belong to Addison.” And without another word, I twisted the doorknob and flew down the hallway, needing to go to the bathroom more badly than ever.

Ciao.

So yeah...

2007-04-01T21:47:00.000-07:00

I have found a way around Microsoft, so I will be able to update This Heart tomorrow, along with SGPHS. And that makes me really happy.

Anyways, so about This Heart, there is still a lot more research to be done, but it's meant to be a rather short story. I'm guessing probably ten chapters. It most likely won't go past fifteen, but that's assuming that the characters do what they're supposed to do. And they rarely ever do.

So...that's it. Thanks so much for reading, you guys! I really, really appreciate it.

Ciao.

I FUCKING HATE MICROSOFT OFFICE

2007-04-01T14:57:00.000-07:00

So yeah, I come back after a weekend of awesomeness, completely inspired and ready to write and guess what? Microsoft Office decides to be a bitch and tell me that my "trial" has expired. Therefore, I need to convert it to the actual product, but guess what? I need a product key for that. And guess what else? I don't freaking have one. So that means I either have to pilfer one from a friend and hope to God that that one works, or buy the entire thing ONLINE. How absolutely ridiculous is that? I have to pay two hundred or something dollars for something that's already on my laptop just for the stupid product key.

And until I procure a product key, I can't write anything new for any of my WiPs. I can't edit, I can't change, I can't do freaking anything. And that is why I am so upset. All of my stories are on Word and I can't write.

So until further notice, posting for all stories other than Seattle Grace Prepatory High School will be (hopefully) temporarily postponed.

Ciao.

This Heart

2007-03-30T04:26:00.000-07:00

I don't know where I came up with the idea for this story. I knew I wanted to write a story that took place during season two and I wanted to make even more crap happen to Mer. I wanted to break her down so badly so then Derek wouldn't be able to run away from it. So I thought, what could happen that would just completely ruin what little happiness she has left? Leukemia. That and I really wanted to write a semi-song fic for This Heart by Paramore, because I have realized that Grey's Anatomy is just one, huge Paramore song. Not that that's a bad thing because Paramore absolutely rocks, but their songs make me want to write more one-shots about Grey's Anatomy when I have a million other stories to write for.

The updating on this story won't be as frequent as SGPHS. I do have most of this story planned out and everything, but this story takes a ridiculous amount of research, so the chapters will be a little late in coming. The librarians at my school all seem to think I have leukemia now because whenever I go to the library, I head straight towards the medical texts and indices and start looking up "leukemia" and "chemotherapy". They're starting to freak out a little bit, actually.

And if you haven't read This Heart yet, then I suggest you do. Because I really like it, and I want you to too.

Ciao.

Posting Schedule for SGPHS

2007-03-28T20:05:00.000-07:00

I updated Seattle Grace Prepatory High School today with chapter 15 which is the conclusion to sort of a three part interstory. There are still five chapters left to go, plus an epilogue.

As for the rest of the updating, I think I'll probably finish updating mid April. Maybe early April. I won't be updating at all for the next weekend because I'll be out of town, but plan on looking forward to chapter 16 being posted on Monday morning. I don't like posting chapters on Thursdays, so that won't be happening. I probably won't be posting during Holy Week either because I am very Catholic and my parents are very traditionalist, so I am not allowed to be happy until Easter. And reviews make me happy. So no reviews. And no new chapters until most likely the Easter Monday. Most likely in the morning.

Okay, you know what? I'm just going to give you a list of dates. These are subject to change, but this is probably what it's going to look like for the rest of Seattle Grace Prepatory High School:

Chapter 16 - 04/02
Chapter 17 - 04/09
Chapter 18 - 04/11
Chapter 19 - 04/16
Chapter 20 - 04/20
Chapter 21 - 04/23
Epilogue - 04/26

Again, this schedule is not set in stone because April is pretty much the craziest month for me right now, so posting will be most definitely erratic. I can't promise I'll stick to this schedule, but I'll do my best.

Ciao.

First post as an Aspiring Writer

2007-03-28T19:41:00.000-07:00

Hi! This is my first post as an Aspiring Writer. I'm known as xiao chan on fanfiction and xiao16 on fictionpress, so welcome to my writer's blog.

I guess this blog is sort of creative writing type blog. I'll occasionally post random short stories, sometimes poetry, intellectual rants, surveys on the stuff I write fanfiction for, and posting schedules. Right now, my fanfictions seem to be more popular than my original stuff...which makes me sad and kind of self-conscious. What, are my original stories just not good enough? Thanks. Thanks a lot. Just kidding. But really, I would appreciate it so much if you guys would check out my original stuff on fictionpress. You won't be sorry, I swear.

Anyways, I really love my reviewers. My reviewers have kept my creative spark alive. Thank you so much!

Ciao.

Thoughts and Ramblings of an Aspring Writer

.the.end.

Blind Hatred

Green Eye

iPod Mentalist Challenge

I started this and I want to keep it somehow

Just something to keep the skillz sharp

Ultimatum

Vampire Knight short, Symphony

Super short story

The end! *tear*

Last chapter! *tear*

AH-HA!

Not really an update

Quick post!

Favorite, favorite, FAVORITE chapter!

So we finally hit the fluff

Summer's ending...*tear*

Holy crapola, some stuff that needs saying

Breaking Dawn...New Zealand?!

Profile quotes

Oh wow, chapter seven already!

So it's been a while

Ch. 11 (finally!)

All's Fair in Love and War ch. 5

Update 8/02/07

Update 8/21/07

News 07/01/07

By jove, she's updating!

Update 6/5/07

Dirty Dancing: Grey's Anatomy Style!

Update 5/22/07

Chapter 9 of This Heart

Chapter 4 of WF, BE

Update 5/507

Update 5/3/07

Worst Friends, Best Enemies

Miscellaneous stuff that needs to be addressed

Ah, finally

OH MY GOSH SHONDA AND I HAVE GOT TO BE SOUL SISTERS!

Chapter 20

So...

New Story

Ahh...Meredith, you're so stupid...

So yeah...

I FUCKING HATE MICROSOFT OFFICE

This Heart

Posting Schedule for SGPHS

First post as an Aspiring Writer

The end! tear

Last chapter! tear

Summer's ending...tear