Quick post!

I'm actually posting during the brief break I have between class and work. I really don't want to go to work because I work in a library. And not the cool, information part of the library. I don't get to sit at the desk and answer people's questions or help them find books. No, I work in Physical Processing. You know what Physical Processing entails? It entails loads of tedium, and two out of my three supervisors are really weird. What is it about people who work full-time in libraries? Is it a requirement for them to be socially awkward or something? One of my supervisors talks to herself and not in the cute, slightly quirky way. She talks to herself in the really creepy, "Thanks for the candy," kind of way.

Anyways...

This chapter is really important to me and it's probably one of the biggest breakthroughs that Bella's gone through. You know that brief flashback that she has during the session where she remembers her mother and her father talking about her independence/misguided compassion? This is very important for two specific reasons.

First, it shows Bella that she's still essentially the same. For the past three months, she's been absolutely terrified that she's no longer the same person, that she's let this dark, angsty creature rule her thoughts and her being. She thinks that Allan had changed her in a very fundamental way and he did. However, she thinks she's been changed for the worst which she now sees is wrong. In the end, she's still herself; she was compassionate before and she's still compassionate. And that will never change, no matter what happens to her.

Second, Bella finally realizes that there are people out there who want to take care of her, despite the pain they might suffer should they decide to help her. Edward and Dr. Levsky are clear examples of this. They want to help her because they don't want her to go through this by herself. After all she's experienced, they want to make that burden a little lighter on her because she deserves at least that.

So her reaction is to cry. She cries because not only is she relieved that she's the same, but she also cries to show both Dr. Levsky and Edward that she's finally letting go of that control. She's letting go of that mask that she's held onto and she's going to show them who she is underneath her carefully cultivated mask of calm.

Well, I am very aware that the people who read this blog generally just read it for the sneak peek. Therefore, I will oblige you now. ^_~

“Bella, Julia Andrews called me this morning. She said that Alan Vickers trial begins next week.”

My heart started pounding furiously. So soon.

“She called me to ask if I think you’re ready to take the stand.”

He didn’t say anything for a loaded moment and I started to fidget. “Well?” I asked when I couldn’t stand my impatience any longer. “Do you?”

“I don’t think it’s really my opinion that matters,” he said. “I think what matters is whether or not you think you’re ready.”

Did I think I was ready? I wasn’t sure. It was one thing to talk about what happened with Dr. Levsky, when I was sitting on his couch and he was gently encouraging me to open up. It was another thing entirely to be sitting in a severe wooden chair, being forced to answer question after question of events that I still tried to block from my memory.

“I don’t know,” I said hesitantly.

“You should think about it,” he said. “But to tell you the truth, Bella, I think you’ve been ready for quite a while. You just need to believe that you are.”

I know that it's shorter than usual, but you see, the next chapter is actually chock-full of good stuff that I don't want to give away too soon. So this is all you guys are going to get right now. I'm sorry.

A few ending stuff: I don't know when I'll be able to update next because the next month is going to be CRAZY hectic with school and other projects. On the Mend, sadly, might have to be put on the back burner for a little while. If it takes me more than two weeks to update, then check back here for more information. Once again, I'm sorry, but blame college.

If you haven't reviewed yet, please go back and do so! I would mucho appreciate it!

Thank you very much for reading my humble fanfiction. There are no words to express my gratitude.

Ciao.